The Criminal Bank System

 Once the honour was mine to fall prey to a wildly 

successful group of cruise ship hackers, by falsely 

claiming yours truly had won a prize and if little me 

qualified by proving there was enough money in my 

credit card, they would take me for a trip on their ship 

Feeling high in a manic phase I sent my card details 

for ostensible verification and a beastly group of evil-

doers withdrew the funds saying - It's a start, but there's 

not nearly enough, please send more funds from your 

account: THAT'S when I woke up and realised it was a 

Scam, not verification of details but total withdrawal! and 

here's where the scammers got it wrong: I was a most 

scrupulous government employee who had to make 10 

copies of every document, file the originals and make 10 

copies of each of the 10 copies I had; with this proliferation 

Of documentation - every piece of information the scammers 

had sent avaible in triplicate and every triplicated set triplicated 

again - I set off to the bank to present in person - the bank was 

responsible I claimed, look at the wailing and lamentation rising 

from the World Wide Web - I produced hundreds of pages of 

complaints and incriminating evidence downloaded from the 

Internet, printed and reprinted and posted and folded and marked 

and organised - just as the government service required - and the

original scam pages duplicated and triplicated, enlarged, coloured,

textured, detailed, every word underlined, highlighted and engraved

There was no way the bank could say that I was in the wrong with 

my myriad documents - and I told them about my government office 

where the Troll Interpol was my boss and would come for them if 

they dared dispute my claim of fraud most iniquitous, or reject as 

frivolous my amply substantiated and complicated, but very neatly

Alphabetisied solicitating pages of scamming intent - the clever 

bank officials hummed and hahed, sighed and laughed, ran hither 

and thither, confederated and tried to make off with my card details

scammed as if I were the criminal party at fault, but I stood my 

ground as we always had to in government service where every 

Document is promptly discarded, interred and destroyed upon first 

presentation to the insanely efficient at losing and maiming group of 

auxiliary officials rambling the passages of the insane institute of 

government administration, I simply waited a while and when on-one 

presented, I produced my second batch of triplicated files and

Accosted another official and presented my complaint again - I was 

having such fun replicating government administration procedures in 

the wide open space of the criminal bank system, and once again 

personnel disappeared, there was consultation and after another 

long pause - which did not bother me at all as I had brought five 

Epistles for my edification while waiting, an anthology of school 

poems with educational symbolism - such as Mr Nobody - Who 

does the mischief that is done, in everybody's house? - Mr Nobody 

teaching me the bank officials trying to escape guilt by playing at 

being  Mr Nobody would not work, and Five Eyes - In Hans' old 

Mill his three black cats watch the bin for the thieving rats; I gathered 

here in the mill of the bank I would have to watch all the bins to catch 

the thieving financial rats, and The Spider and the Fly - Come into my 

parlour, said the spider to the fly - 'tis the prettiest little parlour that 

ever you did spy - teaching the valuable lesson that cruise ship 

Spider conspirators spin their web of lies very nicely and I should 

have replied - Oh, no no... AND a book with an intriguing imbroglio, 

AND an illustrated Astronomy handbook with enchanting illustrations 

of the Oort Cloud... [here I have to stop my story for now, saving  and 

later returning to my chilling tale...]