A Miracle Day

A miracle day, the miracle I dreamt of
happened - I enjoyed translating my
document, such fun to find legal term
equivalents - impossible to determine
what brought this about - I only know
the stone in my chest changed into a
warm, beating, loving heart and every
successive moment just became more
beautiful, every step was a privilege, I
was too scared to enjoy it too much -
scared that it would be lost too soon,
a perfect day simply  because my
feelings changed - this emotional
state should continue indefinitely! 

Place Of Healing

“Und Don Camillo Mittendrin” not a

pleasurable read, too much realism

and for that we have newspapers to

bother us, reading the Sunday paper

left me shocked and determined not

to identify with humanity, it MUST be

possible to be a nonphysical spirit as

soon as possible!

In “Don Camillo” Giovanni Guareschi

described too many instances of men

punching their wife and kids, too often

people were overcome by feelings of

guilt after planning to kill whether they

succeeded or not – promises made to

pay for outstanding services rendered

were broken

At first I thought this Comédie Humaine

bittersweet – but all too soon it seemed

plain bitterness with very little in between,

seeking solace in a magic story of a boy

stealing a magic wheelchair, discovering

his friend's granny is a witch recruiting him 
for her successor, a joyful place of healing

for my injured feelings…

Own Joyous Self

Amazing how happy mom is

in the old age home, walking

up and down with her three-

wheeler, talking and laughing

with everyone, happily playing

piano, jaunty and confident, we

both got on the staff’s nerves

Today she goes into hospital

with her heart full of trust and

self-confidence, implicit belief

that the universe is loving to-

wards her own joyous self, her

ability to spread her perception

of wonder and delight

Helped me this weekend, if only

I could believe in myself the way

she does - it would have made

such a huge difference!

Hell In Deep Freeze

Only freedom of ideas is real, bondage simply is

a bondage of ideas because our IDEAS form our

reality – I am afraid I have run out of ideas today –

sitting here in the armoury where all is bound and

chained to their perceptions, limitation is the only

concept we know, limited to this time and space,

limited to saudade, nostalgia, wishing for peace

and contentment when hell is in deep freeze, my

head is burning with my soul smouldering in the

depths of Purgatory, longing for the oblivion of

sleep to melt the stone in my heart and give me

the strength to laugh at myself, looking such an

absurd, tragi-comic figure as a dwarf standing

at attention with an expressionless face just

as I learnt from studying Sam Vimes...

Eye Clean And Pure

Our first reaction to injustice and

dishonesty is to lose our ideals,

sink into a moral and emotional

quagmire - snarl at those below

us and give up dreams of trust-

worthiness and stewardship

But I try not to because the feeling

of wonderment when we encounter

great moral strength is too wonderful

an experience to become despondent

when tortured by unbridled arrogance

The beauty of resolute fortitude which

keeps the eye clean and pure, makes

me desirous to strive for the same ideal  

Childhoos Decisions

Isn’t it wonderful, faced with unbearable
circumstances, I fell back to childhood
decisions how to deal with loneliness
and pain, seems to me we make up
our minds once and for all when
we are small
 
The rest is just window-dressing to pass
the time, I have never deviated from any
course I decided upon as a child - have
you and how did it feel? I’m not sure I
understand myself, much less the
world around me…
 

More Adament

The greater the problem,
the more adament you
become, insisting there
is no problem at all
 
My absolutely stupid
feelings have no place
at all in the bigger picture
of things, you said ‘Stop
 
whining and declining to
do your duty, stop being
you – just be ME – I am
perfect, if you listen

long enough, you will
see that everything I
say is true’ - ‘ I shall
stop breathing’
 
I thought...