Bed (Revised)

There’s a depressed little alien in my head,
my physical life’s outer-ego clown laughs,
jokes the alien’s too emotionally scared of
moving forward

Two difficult documents to tackle, both
demanding study and not a ray of sun
light, life shrinking until all it contains are
these brutal texts

I shall have to read articles on Telecoms
fraud to understand the legal text, and why
so scared? Luckily, this psychosomatic
headache is making me useless,

I should have stayed in bed…

Continue To Live (Revised)

A sweet grey car replaced my noble Jeep,
it is utterly alien to me; oh, I always knew
this day would come, the Jeep’s upkeep
was an extra expense we did not need
and now it’s gone, I feel terrible for
letting it go so easily

Rejoiced in the ease of transaction, just left
my Jeep – battery suddenly flat when we
went to the garage to make the exchange,
heart of a brave vehicle broken, I pray its
spirit will come to live in the car we
received in its place

It held me safe, even when I sped in front
of oncoming traffic it kept other cars from
bumping into me, alive like Herbie in The
Love Bug, a car holding a spirit, I hope the
Jeep’s magical presence will return to me
and be content to live in a Suzuki

which has taken its place…



[ORIGINAL:]

My noble Jeep gone, feel terrible to
let go so easily, always knew this day
would come, we could not afford the
Jeep’s expensive upkeep, sweet grey
car in its place, but utterly alien to me

We rejoiced in the ease of transaction,
I never wept, just left my Jeep – though
its battery suddenly flat the first time we
went to the garage where the exchange
would take place, its bonnet nearly

Injured those beneath, the heart of the
brave vehicle broken - I pray its spirit will
come to live in the car we received in its
place – the Jeep held me safe, even when
I sped right in front of oncoming traffic

Always kept other cars from bumping into
me, alive just like Herbie in The Love Bug,
though the car itself held the spirit, I pray
that the spirit inhabiting the Jeep will return
to me and continue to live in the Suzuki

That has taken its place…

A Culmination of Visions

Romanticism dreamt is disenchantment
and death, a problem countered by realism,
left-brain thinking enriches us immensely,
combined with right-brain intuition we are
moreso free than ancient people as we
access their wisdom

Story, ideal and dream enriches life,
improves relationships, imbues reality
with symbols, deeper meaning, every
escapist fantasy thickens reality into
a multidimensional tapestry; this is
why you are my friend, though cynical
you never scare me

Offering understanding never thought
possible, fantasy pales in comparison
yet enabled me to accept a fairytale in
my life: you created a safe channel by
which I can relate to the most admired
author and poet I know; the most gifted
realistic person brought about

a culmination of visions, Danke

(The discovery that reality is better than dreams
made me very happy. The realisation that dreams,
ideals and fantasies are helpful by enabling me to
SEE the positive aspects of reality, contributes
to this happiness.)

Waxes And Wanes (Link to 8000 years)

Never realised how disastrous it would be
to wear a T shirt with Guess written large
on it, combined with my pirate jeans and
bandy-legged boots I was Che Guevarra
himself, not a good look

Realising it’s full moon on 6 April it made
sense, while the moon waxes and wanes
my life changes and not in a good way –
Big Bro becomes belligerent; 8000 years*
standing still as politicians dither

Playing charades calling it human rights &
respect without meaning it, felt better when
I changed my T shirt, being Che does not
feel good at all…

Friday 6 April 2012

Link to:

8000 Years Standing Still

http://igorevich.blogspot.com.au/2007/06/8000-years-standing-still.html

Happy On Our Own

Couples not sleeping together
twin beds or separate rooms -
cannot imagine how they can
stand it - I’m restless until you
roll in next to me, at first your
legs cold, you like it until we
cuddle warmly

I feel safe with you by my side
even when we fight, entwining
my legs with yours means you
are part of my world, there like
the sun, not grudging me any-
thing, interested in the kids, our
issues your world

You are our hero - thinking and
planning, devoting your life to the
home we have made, giving kids
freedom to breathe on self-help
weekends; frying onions for just
you and me like selfish teens
happy on our own

Perfect Moments

Tonight was fantastic with bread, brown sugar
and caramelised cream - green beans and
pumpkin, tomato and avocado - you fried
the meat, sunset magnificent, caramel
taste taking me straight to heaven

The kids were delighted, being together like
this makes up for all deprivations- the fear I
experienced today completely gone, though
it will return with chemical changes, it never
taints the wonder of happiness shared

Wish I could hold this sparkly feeling and
paint it, the most I can do is sing it in my
favourite songs, warm, safe and secure,
love swelling my heart till fit to burst,
sitting down with a smile

Happiness lies in small things, especially
eating, creamy caramel a symbol of
perfect moments on earth…

Seaport Of Beni Ansar

Interpol sent me off to research the Seaport of
Beni Ansar called ‘alhaj jimi ahmed’ according
to Wikimapia sounding a warning: Beware of
filthy, sleazy Moroccan men waiting outside
all nice hotels, seaports, bus & train stations

I sighed, following my role models Miss Lemon
and Miss Moneypenny I am stuck behind my
desk, only fantasise about sleazy types, being
so conventional, they don’t even spare me a
glance, cultivation of a haughty demeanour

Has never been required in my little life, I smile
at everyone I pass and seldom need to fend off
an unwanted advance, maybe once - it is rather
sad when sleazy, filthy types do not even touch
the carefully designed collage of my life…

Especially Igorevich

http://igorevich.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/estranged-reality.html

Sometimes we have problems and cannot share them, then suddenly
someone understands and explains to us what actually happened
and how we can deal with it - I wish to thank those who can
illuminate the world and help me deal with it, especially
Igorevich who seems to get a hold of reality and tweak
the lines of time until things make sense again!

The Gift & Deep Inside

The gift I deem most important is the gift of
trust; the most precious crown adorned with
priceless gems, only bestowed when I know
someone well, see consistent behaviour and
integrity - their invariable kindness, courtesy
and consideration create faith in their ability
to be true to their word, worthy of absolute
confidence; thus I swear my allegiance and
loyalty, faithful affection and friendship in ex-
change; although I offer love unconditionally
to the wonderful world; my trust only goes to
the special people who take my hand and
never let go…

Deep Inside

Painful, your emotional shock
on discovering a relationship
lost, affability enabled survival,
all the time you helped me to
overcome my problems with
wise words of advice and kind-
ness while I remained oblivious
of what was taking place
in your life

Thank you for never leaving my
sight as your boat capsized, wish
I could restore your happiness and
faith, yet your still tackling every
obstacle with such determination
augers well for a wonderful future,
I am so proud of all you have done
in passing through the storm that
made you seem

Bitter and hard - though your heart
remained soft deep inside!

Glamorous, Sophisticated

What a mess - what a terrible mess - trial and
error is awful, I should have guessed; grey - I
HATE grey, unless tinted blue, black and grey
in bed linen are insupportable - to combat the
effect I constructed a bulwarks of pink-purple
covered notebooks on my side of the bed

I shall hide the black and grey pillowcase tonight,
already covered my favourite pillow with something
else, grey sucks colour out of everything - I wear
black to disappear but my bed should be HERE;
this is awful, one of my biggest mistakes – still,
we were constrained, nothing else in the shop

I hate shopping in any case, my new T-shirt too large,
the glamorous, sophisticated black and grey without
symbolical meaning, I fight it with the pink and green
of my paper doll - how did I ever acquiesce to some-
thing as bleak and menacing as this – oh yes, there
was nothing else, I should hang myself!

Being Human

Day dragging on, sluggish system slowing due
to cheese grillers with which Sunday dinner was
enlivened, not even the psychology of buying a
little doll to accompany me through the woes of
assembly line translations proves very helpful

My guru dancing while chanting: Just be glad, just
be glad, just be glad to be alive - idiot; we all need
neuropeptide Y, a brain chemical that makes people
feel healthy - found in alcohol, scientists think NPY
pills could reduce consumption of alcohol

Are they mad, how absolutely boring and unromantic,
imagine replacing the words of Red, Red Wine with
White, White Antidepressants - popping pills instead
of staggering about while watching the heroine leave
with another man - scientists have no understanding

Of the aesthetics when the suffering hero is scorned
and the audience’s unbounded sympathy with his at-
tempts to obliterate his pain with wine or another
alcoholic concoction – this is what being human
is all about!

Happiest Creature

Take criticism from whom it comes
if the people who criticize you are
not people you look up to, their
words should not disturb you

I accept my personality do not please
people I deal with - keep my ideas to
myself, started a new regime of self-
discipline, bury spontaneity

No more writing about my feelings, seek
substitute outlets, I believe in a better
realm than this faulty human one
which is so unsatisfactory

Withdrawing and living life in my head
I make life nice, when the process is
complete and I live in my head, I
am the happiest creature

Glühwürmchen-Idyll

Glühwürmchen – I used to sing along when I was
very small, could not make out the words of this
song, sounded like bumbuschim to me - later sang
happily Shine, little glow-worm, glimmer - then
heard the original song sung in German again -
looked it up on the Internet, found the absolutely
enchanting Glühwürmchen, Glühwürmchen
flimmre, flimmre, Glühwürmchen,
Glühwürmchen, schimmre,
schimmre

Führe uns auf rechten Wegen, führe uns dem Glück
Entgegen, Gib uns schützend dein Geleit zur Liebes-
seligkeit – wonderful, though life is not happy, all
hope in vain given all outcomes; ideals remain en-
chanting, good enough for me, every time I fail in
communication I find my joy in sounds, in songs
warming my icy heart frozen by human contact,
dreams warm me again and inner light shines
sweetly for consciousness continuously
evolving for all eternity

And I repeat my delightful mantra - driving those
who can’t stand my noisy passage, so laid back in
flip-flops and baggy tops, production nearly non-
existent, reading Agatha Christie, fantasising being
the killer revealed by Hercule Poirot – insane - I
just sing my mantra over and over: Glühwürmchen,
Glühwürmchen, flimmre, flimmre, Glühwürm-
chen, Glühwürmchen, schimmre, schimmre,
führe uns auf rechten Wegen, führe uns
dem Glück entgegen

Gib uns schützend dein Geleit – zur
Liebesseligkeit…


[Tr. Lilla Cayley Robinson]
When the night falls silently on forests dreaming,
Lovers wander forth to see the bright stars gleaming;
And lest they should lose their way the glow-worms
nightly light their tiny lanterns gay and twinkle brightly,
here and there, and ev'rywhere from mossy dell and
hollow, floating, gliding through the air they call on
us to follow - shine, little glow-worm, glimmer, lead
us lest too far we wander, love's sweet voice is
calling yonder, light the path below, above
and lead us on to love


Glühwürmchen-Idyll
Melodie - Refrain - aus der Operette Lysistrata
von Paul Lincke, 1902 / MIDI: Bruno Alt

Wenn die Nacht sich niedersenkt auf Flur und
Halde, Manch ein Liebespärchen lenkt den Schritt
zum Walde. Doch man kann im Wald zu zwein
sich leicht verirren, Deshalb, wie Laternen klein,
Glühwürmchen schwirren und es weiset Steg und
Busch uns leuchtend ihr Gefunkel, Da tauchts
auf, und dort, husch, husch, sobald der
Abend dunkel: Glühwürmchen, Glühwürmchen,
flimmre, flimmre, Glühwürmchen, Glühwürmchen
schimmre schimmre, Führe uns auf rechten Wegen,
führe uns dem Glück entgegen, Gib uns schützend
dein Geleit zur Liebesseligkeit

An Invading Fungus

Listening to Mozart, looked up - felt shocked
to see black cupboards appearing everywhere
like black mushrooms blooming - an invading
fungus taking over the open-plan office and
destroying the ambience of our previously
rather handsome Kingsley palace

Apparently our Chief Director feels a need for
filing space, thus ordered these monstrosities
to overwhelm us with mustiness & dark sliding
doors, placed upon the cupboards already used
as partitions for privacy – when I see the black
ugliness threatening like burnt fields

I wonder about the nastiness in human hearts
that can inflict such sombreness on innocent
officials already slowing dying in the little work
space allocated to them, what could have pos-
sessed anyone to make cupboards black
like that?

Dying In Duty (Revised)

Wondered briefly once again why
feelings died – a translation on my
desk ready to be checked, endless
research of nonsensical terms for
uncaring readers remembered

Idiosyncratic marks earned from
invigilators freezes emotion that
energises me, living as remains of
passions teeming sparks, I smile –
little things always wake an ember

Nothing can keep my spirit down
forever, yoke of death is just veneer
enabling me to carry out constrictive
duties while my soul is high, clear &
free, in a separate life

High above the contamination of
routine life; upon death we return
to higher spheres, dying in duty
until that joyous moment when
we continue unto joyous infinity…


[ORIGINAL:]

Wake a Spark

Once again wondered briefly why
my feelings had died, returned to
the translation on my desk ready
to be checked and remembered
endless research of nonsensical
terms for uncaring readers while

Earning idiosyncratic marks from
invigilators, freezes the emotion
that lived within me, living life as
the remains of the teeming sparks
of passionate feeling, then I smile
- little things always wake a spark

From time to time, nothing can keep
my spirit down eternally, the yoke
of death is just veneer that enables
me to carry out constrictive duties
while my soul is high, clear & free
and carries on a separate life

High above the contamination of
routine life, upon death we return
to the higher spheres, dying within
duty until that joyous moment when
we continue unto lovely infinity…

Dimming Light Within

When the film hero sank into quicksand, he asked
his sister why she was growing taller - today my
world is moving away also as I am sinking into
mental quicksand

Communication lines crossed, hostile atmosphere,
can’t inject a comment into the conversation, steel
chains originating in my mind, everything seems
to be irrelevant

Glass fences cut me off from feeling; why do you
all go away, I cry; but the world remains the same,
it is me sinking down, falling away from reality
which becomes inaccessible

My weak eyes are dimming the light within, I can’t
turn around, must take small steps seeking the path
leading back to sweet interaction with human beings,
frustration makes me so angry

I can’t turn around fast enough, forced to stay in the
nether regions, feeling lonely, even my characters
end up sitting alone in their own corner of their
fictitious universe

When they meet I can’t hear them converse, the only
solution is to get into bed and sleep until my mind
frequency has changed, otherwise life is not
worthwhile...

Mental Fire Extinguisher

Tackling the mountain of today with my
usual bag of fears and anxiety, fighting
the dragon of encroaching meaningless-
ness in my head, fighting mirror images
everywhere, comforting myself with the
bitter truth, it doesn’t matter

Life’s dragging its feet without adventures,
listening to the inner voice exhorting me to
seek things intrinsically beautiful without a
need to justify existence, use of such con-
cepts will be crowned with success and
answers to my requests

In the best universe ever conceived, my
only problem is a continuing fight against
routine, the lack of challenge and a never-
ending search for a legal spark to ignite
feelings with which to colour these grey
freezing days lacking interest

My life is a lesson in the art of enduring
boredom with patience, of living without
the emotions which have been outlawed,
of remaining calm and unconcerned as
Rome burns, a mental fire extinguisher
has not been invented yet

24/02/2012

Life’s Vertices (Revised)

Life becomes senseless without dreams – the one
thing left, testing ideals by doing the opposite,
discovering alternatives that do not work, breaking
every rule to determine meaning

Pain for long-term gain is the only way to live happily;
humanity the sole religious authority whose embedded
ideals are fine as long as we’re not forced to follow
teachings – I dream about miracles, read how

Quantum physics explains all forms of spiritualism,
how consciousness creates physical phenomena
supposedly only perceived, how a wise mind can
present inherently beautiful ideas conceptually

Cynicism kills optimism by abstract abhorrence; life’s
value rides upon rays of insight colouring the world
with tinctures of feelings and emotions, created
intrigues, but won’t change inner traits

Musing as I climb life’s vertices, falling into ravines of
self-pity and failed self-esteem, trapped in the doldrums
of hum-drum routines eating my brain-circuits – only a
variety of constructed, carefully protected ideals
to keep me going….


[ORIGINAL:]

Heat of Feelings

One thing left: the ideal tested by doing the
opposite, discovering alternative does not
work, breaking every rule to determine
meaning - life becomes senseless
without dreams

Sacrifice for long-term gain the only way to live
happily, humanity is the only religious authority
I love the ideals embedded therein as long as
we are not forced to follow their teaching, I
dream about

Miracles, read how quantum physics explains all
forms of spiritualism, how consciousness creates
physical phenomena supposedly only perceived,
a wise mind presents inherently beautiful ideas
wonderfully

A cynic destroys idealism by employing abhorrent
concepts; life’s value depends upon light of insight
colouring the world with the heat of feelings while
emotions create intrigues but can’t change
inner traits

Musing as I climb life’s steep mountain, falling into
ravines of self-pity and fears of no self-esteem,
caught in the doldrums caused by never-ending
hum-drum routines which sabotage all my
brain-circuits

Only a variety of constructed, carefully protected
ideals to keep me going…

Altar of my Heart

If I never say how I feel does it mean
feeling goes away; no, feeling lives on
in my heart, shall be there until we part
then encapsulated in deep freeze until
all is revealed at the end of time

Physical reality does not have space for
this frequency, made my peace that the
world cannot allow this to be; I offered
unwavering support - helped where I
could hoping to leave a memory

Yet oddly content as all remained un-
aware of my existence as it should be,
no place in reality for the feelings pure
and sweet I treasure within, cherished
in deepest recess of inner sanctuary

Took up breastplate and sword to ward
off arrows of doubt about meaning of love
unrequited, looked at my beloved sun, re-
joiced in ability to admire, nobody knew
I walked this earth, this is perfect

Love unconditional the name of the game,
when trust enters the equation expectation
spoils devotion - bury feelings to be safe in
the sacred place where precious jewels
of love and wisdom are held

Framed by high ideals extracted from wild
ore that abounds, mounted on the high
altar of my heart, I do not require much
from those I love, quiet devotion quite
enough to keep joy alive…


[ORIGINAL:]

If I never say how I feel, does it mean
the feeling did go away; no, the feeling
is still alive in my heart, it shall be there
until we part then it shall live in my mind
encapsulated in deep freeze - until all is
revealed at the end of time

Physical reality does not have space for
this frequency, I have made my peace the
world did not want this to be, I tried to give
unwavering support by offering help where
I could, hoping against hope that one day it
would leave a memory

Yet oddly content as you remained unaware
of my existence; this is as it should be, there
is no place in reality for something as sweet
and pure as this feeling I treasure within me -
cherished in the deepest recess of my inner
sanctuary, never to be mentioned

I simply took up my breastplate and sword to
ward off the arrows of doubt about the meaning
of love unrequited – looked up at my beloved sun
and rejoiced in my ability to admire special people
without them ever knowing who has been walking
this earth – this is perfect

Unconditional love is the name of the game, when
trust enters the equation, expectation spoils neutral
devotion, happy as I bury my feelings to be safe in
a sacred place in my heart where precious jewels
of love and wisdom are kept, beautifully framed
by the high ideals carefully extracted

From the wild ore that abounds everywhere; depicted
in wonderful colours, mounted on the high altar of my
heart – I did not require anything from those I loved;
quiet devotion was quite enough to keep joy alive…

Thrusting Lines

Praised for single-minded devotion to duty only,
my lines subjected to minute scrutiny as I lack
the tools to reproduce literally; rephrasing to
create fluent, mellifluous texts is wrong

We are employed to be a conduit faithfully re-
laying source texts through mindless copy-
ing which causes my brain to shut down
so my boss thinks me incompetent

Unable to deal with the soothing repetition most
people deem a real treat, I’m learning to accept
being the worst official in history, not given any
responsibility, only checked and monitored

Lost access to my inner being while ignoring
enchantment of words dancing in rhythmic
lines, I have to create a sacred space where
sound can be freed to reign supreme

Where the rhythm of lilting vowels formed into
notes with various beats by rushing, explosive
consonants, creates melodies rising and
falling in thrusting lines