Life is Lovely

I’m doing my best to realise your ideal – I mean
being true to being unhappy, but I am surrounded
by dysfunctional people - who enjoy being happy
Rima is laughter personified, Christine thinks life
is lovely, just for her to be amused and surprised

Hanlie insists on making the world beautiful with her
wonderful being, June is delighted with her house in
Gordon’s Bay, Martin is satisfied with the ideals he
sees being realised by two amazing kids following
his advice, my daughter shines in movie treats

My son dreaming big; at the office everyone breaks
out in smiles, I am really trying to get in touch with
my inner pain but it eludes me at present, though
I shall not give up in trying to reach the depths
of despair you prescribe, in deference to your

Amazing ability to find unhappiness behind every
happy façade, I am so glad you kindly informed
me how unhappy everyone has been and how
deeply mortified everyone should be once they
realize the pain in their hearts – yet right now

I am going with the flow of dysfunctional people
all being so happy they don’t even know how
terribly unhappy YOU know them to be, just
know I am working on it…

Pulse Of Life

The simplistic soul of the small
organism revels in sheer joy of
existence, delights in basic being
as magnificence, enjoying mani-
festation as creative realisation

Requiring no other justification for
appearance, exciting pulse of life
is quite enough, ecstatic in being
present in abundance - all that is
required for throbbing, shining

And singing in total abandon to
wanton life, passionately aware
of being there, here and every-
where, no beginning or end to
the energy that is self-aware

Intelligent electricity magnetically
loving, nurturing and propagating
itself – indefinitely!

Warm, Liquid Love

Archetypes stay the same, only details
vary according to the personalities of
those expressing these types within
guiding universal themes

My dream is to become an inspiration
to a person in need; maybe this ideal
will never be fulfilled and that’s why it
keeps a magical hold over me

Making the sun appear as a golden orb
of warm, liquid love in the sky caressing
all with soft velvet beams; it is an eternal
promise, a life-inspiring hope

One day someone in need of the unique
help I can give might profit from my words
or presence on planet earth; every chance
to help is an opportunity to practice and

Confers a wonderful feeling, keeping the ideal
alive – today Mary Poppins herself stormed out
of the office, singing a Spoon Full Of Sugar after
learning nobody in the lift knows

This magical tale of inspiration, I’m determined
to teach colleagues brimming with African joie
de vivre about the element of fun in every job
to be done!

Just Call Me Alceste Diogenes

The wild genie of feelings has been let
out of the bottle again - inadvertently –
I shall have to kill it and I have no taste
for murder and mayhem right now; to
self-destruct on order to become a
living corpse is such a schlep…


http://www.sparkpeople.com

Reasons To Stay Motivated

1. Confidence - How did it feel after that first jog around
the block?

[The asthma attack was horrible, thank you. The wheezing
and coughing – the burning on my skin was not as bad, in
comparison, I think. But now that I mention it – it was
awful enough. ]

Or when you finally walked the stairs at work without losing
your breath?

[Hasn’t happened yet. I don’t think it will still happen in this century.]

The more you accomplish, the more you’ll believe in yourself.

[Well, I accomplish something and feel like Alice in Wonderland
– delighted with life. Then the next event comes up and before I
can stop myself, I turn into Quosimodo, hunchback and claws
and everything, and the joy is gone. Gone is the happiness and
belief I had won before. No use doing it again – it will just be lost
until I can stop this morphing into Quasimodo. By the way, I think
this is Quasimodo typing here, so it’s a lost cause in any case.
But thank you for the advice, you are a nice guy.]

2. Fit into that dress hanging in your closet for two years, waiting
for a night on the town. All it takes is that extra mile and stay on
track. Before you know it, those two years will be ancient history.

[No, no dress in the cupboard. And no night on the town in the
offing either. I cannot up the ante right now, somehow I hate
the places where people hang out. Pity, but there you have
it. I am a self-confessed misanthropist - unsocial misogynist,
just call me Alceste Diogenes.]

3. Make the week easier: is the week taking forever? Then you
are not working towards anything. With a goal in mind, cook that
healthy dinner or go to the gym - the week will go faster and
be more enjoyable.

[No, it feels as if every MOMENT is taking forever in a time
freeze, as if I am caught in molasses. After cooking and eating
that healthy dinner, I ended up with migraine and tried to press
my eyeballs through my eye-sockets.

Going to the gym made me feel depressed, I tried to read
a book while doing leg-lifts – it did not work. The week is
going more slowly and is less enjoyable.]

4. Get a purpose - a good reason to get out of bed: Eat a
healthy breakfast to jump start the day, jog, and read
the newspaper.

[The healthy breakfast caused a sinus attack with tinnutis
and backache and Christophe sent the newspaper by
email. Reading about überelend, exploiting politicians
and fighting tribes in Africa gave me heartburn.]

5. For your kids and grandkids – healthier, longer life to
watch your kids grow and spoil the grandchildren.

[The noise of grating voices made me run away, cannot
stand kids who decide to be as obnoxious as possible, as
for grandkids – what kind of noise will they make? I shudder
to think about it…]

6. Power of momentum - builds quickly, leads to great results.
Working for the goal and keeping your streak alive.

[Somehow my defective mind gets going at times; just when it
cruises along happily, my spirit wakes up and destabilises the
whole spiel – life is a schlep and there is nothing for it but
to lament the result of not being able to escape into the bliss-
ful existence of an urangutang like the librarian of Unseen
University; just not escaping into the Discworld is pain enough…]

7. The ‘wow’ effect - run into someone from high school, eyes light up;
gasp, "Wow, you look great!"

[I think all the kids I went to school with are dead – except
for the one who has Alzheimer’s today.]

8. Spread the spark; show friends and family how hard
you’re working to make them wonder how they
can reach their own goals.

[I keep reading and summarizing books and
writing off-key poetry, trying to be a poetaster
while delighting in bizarre constructions such
as McGonagall’s “glaring with love-beaming
eyes” – but nobody follows suit; my family
and friends refuse to read my wild doggerel
and little limericks and I cannot decipher the
riddle – why will they not read me to see what
I say about everybody?]

9. Keep gaining experience - The more you do,
the more you learn and understand, discover
which tactics work best - like weeding - not the
most enjoyable activity, but nets you beautiful
flowers. Stick with it - soon all will be flowers
for you.

[I do my best, yet cannot convince anybody to accept
my Astogenetic theory, based on Maurice Cotterel’s
brilliant deductions regarding the sun’s electromagnetic
particle-emission effect on sea-slugs and flowers - if
only I could determine why that is…

And I try to master the art of translation – but then fall
asleep or scream because the subjects and style of
writing are so atrocious, even adding a spoonful of
sugar – and I add boiled sweets galore – and a song
to help the job along – do not tame my spirit which
keep clamouring for something different
all the time.]

[Thank you for offering new and original advice
trying to improve our little lives - by showing us
how you do what you do, write journalistic articles
of everlasing value - pointing out the sun to your
lesser-endowed brethren and sistren like yours
truly – but oh, there is no hope when the gestalt
gets confused between dimensions and tries to
live the spiritual life in a material world where
sound is subservient to meaning which is
flavoured by a dose of John Wayne
added to every exquisite dream…]

Consciousness Stream - Confessions


http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_
articles.asp?id=196&page=3

Quiet Zombie

Stormy seas of surging emotions
cannot get off the inner carousel
feelings swinging pendulum-free
in my confining spirit like mercury
unable to eschew increasing heat

If I should be in control of my thoughts
why is it I cannot decide to calm down
and be rational again? – Oh - because
it is too much like death to be immobile
not plagued by an act or word of rebellion

Creating a calm and uneventful life - but
today I cannot play possum again, not for
the sake of escaping existential pain; can-
not strangle my spirit, ignore bigger gestalt
who appeared in place of the corpse

Who usually mans my post - gestalt shall not
be controlled, fear and death threats have no
effect, completely oblivious to my carefully
cultivated Cancerian personality - I think
my inner self should be called

‘The Psychopath’ determined to live instead
of becoming the quiet zombie taking care of
my almost extinct life…

Fathom [Revised]

We are free I
believe to choose
our own reality

faith alone brings
into being anything
we wish

yet I am unable
to use my freedom
to create space

in which to
be free of other's
expectations

I cannot
fathom a way
of learning how


"It is clear from metaphysical literature
a health treatment process needs to
address the psychological framework
of beliefs - habits of thought which,
with the energy of emotion, form
expectations

The Universe, under Law of Attraction,
will provide what we expect; being unwell;
disease, psychological disturbance or
emotional distress indicates a need
to adjust one’s matrix of
beliefs"

http://www.counsellingforyourself.co.uk/EP%20New%20World%20View%20to%20Health.pdf

Present Expectations

A serious undertaking - determine
present expectations in order to
ascertain what possibility
has reasonable probability
to manifest in reality

Currently my expectation is only
directed at ways to dream, I want
to construct visions of the wisest,
most noble things before
creating anything

"It is extremely important to probe and discover
exactly what your present expectations are, not
your desires, but your expectations, for you will
only construct physically that environment which
you believe capable of construction"

http://www.counsellingforyourself.co.uk

The Beauty Inside

I could not stay down in the deepest part of despair
as always my fictional characters came with a play
an allegory, a parable of wisdom triumphant over
blackness and death, as I grit my teeth and sank
lower under the yoke

The drama they enacted started to lift my feet until I
was out of my body - determined to wear the crown
of thorns I went to French class to listen to politics -
presented by Christophe Emery – and determinedly
the story kept going

Then we talked about cloning and clichés, there was
room for me to breathe, better emotion than horror at
politicians’ complete lack of ethics filled my heart, we
listened to Rima explain about Maghreb, I showed
her the article about Algeria

Where classic Arabic is the state language although
nobody can understand it; the sun came out and the
purple explosions of Jacarandas became an Arc de
Triomphe for me – I can visualise you in a new way,
see you conquer the enemy:

Loneliness and despair - I dream of Carine being
uplifted and finding new joy, her eyes opening
wide to see the beauty inside
the wonder of life…

Started a New Play

My Scorpio colleague jumps into the day
with ice-cold precision and complete lack
of existential angst, no other emotion than
irritation apparent, the beautiful easygoing
Libran saunters gracefully through wide
scope projects that scares the little alien
clinging to the rafters in my head, to death

Today the little alien is into Freudian self-
destruction and sabotages everything I do,
Agony Aunt within me gave up in disgust,
my inner Alice has withdrawn and only a
shell is left – luckily my characters have
started a new play and the story unfolding
makes a wonderful day, thank you

Thank you to everyone who consented to
appear in my life to become archetypes
populating my fictional universe, it is so
wonderful when I meet you here, creating
the perfect ambiance for the unfolding of
a most wonderful dream without my
having to go anywhere!

[Seeing me so destitute, my fictional characters
started a new play and the sweetness obliterates
the world and its problems so that Agony Aunt –
grim-faced and tight-lipped – is left carrying
consciousness while inside such a magnificent
emotional unfolding is creating the most perfect
delicate tracery of sublime emotion]

Nothing At All

I have fallen out of my life, I am not present
within the outline which indicates where the
real me should be, no feelings, no dreams

The hope I harboured inside proved to be
without meaning – I have forgotten what I
used to hope for, nothing new to replace

What used to be, just cold emptiness in my
heart, wait, my heart is lost, freezing again
like I did as a child, no significance left

Life was like this in the beginning, the great
divide between virtual warmth, a good book,
a piece of music, a story - and -

The emptiness of real life without room for
emotion as an ever-increasing descent in-
to a million small deaths on a daily basis

The pain ought to be gone - yet it is not - the
pain is all that is left, oh yes; even pure
misery is preferable to nothing at all

The Ideal (Revised)

Beauty of ‘The Ideal’, a dream of
wonder – needs no surreal reality
disposed to be enchanting

Cultures which conceived of the
magic created by an amazing
and unique human being

Any vision that creates inspirational
delight of people united in desire
for love and peace

Any delineation of such an infinitely
uplifting principle as - Do unto others
as you would have them do unto you –

brings wonder and joy
to the human heart…

Emotional Storm

Seeking refuge in the surreal atmosphere
of the opera Tales of Hoffmann, my mind
imploding, falling in upon itself in violent
reaction to an overdose of politics

No comfort as yet in the safety of the library,
no intellect left - cannot reflect - a strangling
headache, got a book to cushion the leftover
splinters of my emotions, to cool the fever

Of hatred for cold political texts that reduce
me to the state of a vegetable, Jung’s tests
said this reaction is immature, everybody
must learn to get along without the lure

Of imagination and beauty; Sonia Choquette
said we should be inured to images of pain,
violence and suffering; so be it, I cannot pass
the threshold of pain caused by such studies

Tried so hard I lost my mind, feels like my
brain cannot recuperate - no synapse will
ever fire again, listening to Barcarolle over
and over, the only calming sound

In this emotional storm...

Enneagram (Revised)

But no, nothing helped when I tried to be myself
reading old books, even a new one on sixth sense
said I should take heed of every single pain my
body produced to determine what I think

I feel a stranger in my own skin after a day
doing Big Five & Enneagram questionnaires
– which classify me the most selfish, unhelpful,
self-centred human alive;

even fairy pictures in my Treasury of Children’s
Poetry failed to restore me; according to the
questionnaires, I am detrimental to people
I meet in social contexts - I am devastated

cannot believe I am the MEAN uncaring person
Jung’s questionnaire says; I shall explain to
those I love HOW MUCH I love them, but if it
is true, I wanted to MUCH be better than that –

am still trying as a matter of fact…

Unconscious Blackmail

Safely enclosed within the inevitable unfolding
of a sequence of primal moments locked within
triggered by unknown events, I become a victim
to the blackmail of the unconscious

When my world shrinks to a series of routine events
not taking care of anyone needing special guidance,
I fall prey to feelings of redundancy, my mind starts
wandering, heart stops beating normally

All that is left is an empty shell, breathing, converting
energy without accomplishing anything, can’t motivate
myself to play Snakes and Ladders in the office earning
money to continue in the same way

Day after dreary day, sending prayer requests to patrons
of hopelessness and things almost despaired of, seeking
succour in tribulation and desolation, the suffering of
my inability to stay on the treadmill

Without falling into a mental Black Hole where Calvinism
demands I live to serve someone, anyone; as long as I do
not live for myself; bloody hell, there is no-one else, every
one I associate with is independent

This leaves only parasites, should I become host to blood-
suckers as the true antidote to seeking quiet contentment,
what can end this search for meaning; surely there must
be something I may do for myself…

[Primal Scream Moments (2]

Primal Scream Moments

No amount of grand long-term goals
or serious to frivolous motivation can
save me when the ground falls away
and I grow imbalanced, I glare at the
world without lovable McGonagall’s
love-beaming eyes and trust it is the
glint of steel that makes my eyes shine
at a time like this

I believe advantage can be extracted from
anything, but I hate it all the same, going
through black holes where the ghosts of
sad feelings and distraught emotion are
waiting to invade my soul and take me
back to Arthur Janov’s primal scream
moments, I refuse to apply his remedy
or try dissolving Ron Hubbard’s locks

The negative outcry of their critics have
convinced me it is using dynamite to blow
up small wrinkles in the fabric of time, I
prefer applying Seth’s recommendation
to look at framework two and see life in
a different perspective using the present
to influence and change both future
and past...

Is This Fair?

A complete dead-end, a cul de sac of the mind
going beyond rational thought where frustration
undermines all mental systems, cannot read or
watch TV, feeling guilty for not translating after
promising myself that I would

Failing to force my unwilling eyes to read the of-
ficial text, though my sense of honour insists on
getting the work done, my short-circuiting brain
misfires, I’m wilting while my heroine is in a
magical space, radiant with inner fire

My conscience refuses to let me forget my neglect,
I realise the crocodile is in charge, it is impossible
to subject the crocodile mind to lack-lustre routine
my conscience vainly tries to make connections
between the reptilian brain stem

And the mammalian frontal cortex, the crocodile refuses
to carry out commonplace projects and insists on creating
stories of protagonists carrying out mystical tasks and ac-
complishing great things while self-righteous conscience
keeps interfering, creating such conflict

I need a key to unlock the impasse of wanting to do two
conflicting things at the same time, if I could decide to be
happy doing nothing until my brain is integrated and the
inner revolution comes to an end, I should be able
to function normally

Yet I have no key, the crocodile is snapping at me while
my conscience is a burning fire in my mind and my
lovely heroine is enjoying her exquisite existence
in a non-physical realm – is this fair…

My Mind Session Ends

A computer is a perfect illustration of the
manifold dimensions of reality, each time
I click on an icon a new folder opens just
like memories in my brain

Too many folders open at the same time
causes malfunction, computer short-circuits
in synchronicity with me, all our documents
shut down leaving us a screen saver only

Mine is dark, I grab anything to reinstate the
world, keep a book about a trouble-shooting
angel with lovely illustration next to my docu-
ment for the moment my mind session ends

We waste a lot of time, my computer and I
moving between states of consciousness,
we understand each other so well – and
that helps so much!


Annie Dalton "Making Waves" Collins 2003

Pain Of Existence Exquisite

In the end the pain became too
much, I opted out, sweet release
of self-pity and doubt, the weight
compressing my heart lifted, recri-
mination and angst lost their hold,
the stiffening muscles in my throat
suffocating me relaxed slowly

The physical pain disappeared as
mental distress was calmed, I would
take cyanide or arsenic to take the pain
away, since medication holds sway, I
approve and enjoy what’s left of my
youth, last night I nearly died when
taking a fright for my heroine

The problem was solved; thank you
to the people who create the story, this
morning I had to face my own Nemesis,
the excruciating pain; tonight I have put
an end to the pain by sniffing out a part
of me, thank heaven, I will not continue
in so much pain

As children we all learnt what pain of
rejection and failure felt like, I refuse to
experience it again without help, any
drug would suffice, death would be wel-
comed, pain of existence exquisite, I
cannot deal with it most of the time…

Spirit Unwilling To Go On

Thought you were ill, worried about your health
put you to bed, held you tight, then tonight, as
soon as you felt better, you warned me that I was
to face reprimands for my bad conduct, my bad
performance as mother and wife

I sighed; I thought we were friends – I was wrong,
of course, you were angry with me for being tired
at the wrong moment and admitting as much, me
showing anger because fatigue took my power of
dissemblance away

I could not play that I felt wonderful while dead on
my feet – my fault entirely, I admit, I should have
been able to take the strain, as I expressed my joy
in your renewed health on seeing you well, you
warned me about the dire consequences

Of my being remiss in fulfilling duty and serving the
home, taking care of you and the children, I sighed,
you are right, I am such a bad caretaker, such a bad
serving person, I should be shot – but no-one ever
comes near enough to finish me off

I always run before they can kill me, I’m sorry, my
body is strong, though the spirit is
unwilling to go on…

Aargh! Accept, Reject, No Display

30 July 2009 - 22:00 - Aaaaargh! Accept, reject,
no display, kept at bay - when will life on PoemHunter
return to normal – or as near a thing as ever could be?

30 July 2009 – 21:50 – Hubby has forgiven me all my sins,
Nici is home; Tiaan has been forgiven for messing up his
watch and cell-phone; hubby has actually forgiven us for
being so stupid and unaware and incapable of showing
remorse – are we lucky, or what – we are SO lucky!