Is This Fair?

A complete dead-end, a cul de sac of the mind
going beyond rational thought where frustration
undermines all mental systems, cannot read or
watch TV, feeling guilty for not translating after
promising myself that I would

Failing to force my unwilling eyes to read the of-
ficial text, though my sense of honour insists on
getting the work done, my short-circuiting brain
misfires, I’m wilting while my heroine is in a
magical space, radiant with inner fire

My conscience refuses to let me forget my neglect,
I realise the crocodile is in charge, it is impossible
to subject the crocodile mind to lack-lustre routine
my conscience vainly tries to make connections
between the reptilian brain stem

And the mammalian frontal cortex, the crocodile refuses
to carry out commonplace projects and insists on creating
stories of protagonists carrying out mystical tasks and ac-
complishing great things while self-righteous conscience
keeps interfering, creating such conflict

I need a key to unlock the impasse of wanting to do two
conflicting things at the same time, if I could decide to be
happy doing nothing until my brain is integrated and the
inner revolution comes to an end, I should be able
to function normally

Yet I have no key, the crocodile is snapping at me while
my conscience is a burning fire in my mind and my
lovely heroine is enjoying her exquisite existence
in a non-physical realm – is this fair…