Feelings And Emotional Events

Nobody can prescribe to us about fantasies and keep a tight rein on

our thoughts, only we can decide what we do with our own thoughts

I have managed to banish most fantasies completely and to make

the best of the little life I lead in the here and now

This is progress, it seems, and I willingly submit to the discipline with-

out pain because I believe consciousness continues like electricity and

magnetism when the physical instrument - body and mind - or a radio,

computer or toaster - is destroyed - the sound waves remain

To be resurrected in the next radio or to change into pure energy and

traverse the universe and beyond - I believe ENERGY is AWARE and

INTELLIGENT and BENEVOLENT, without need of sensory equipment

AND I know you respect my need for such beliefs

In order to live the little life I have on this earth, and whether I am right

or wrong, with my policy of being on my own without joining any groups,

I cannot cause any harm and exist in joy without despair which would

inevitably wreak havoc on my sanity and health

If I were to give up my beliefs – besides, I believe everything is true in

the sense that we can make any idea true by investing belief in it, so

it behoves me to choose the most wonderful things and invest it with

the power of my belief; criteria for choosing the most wonderful

Is determined by my life experience and reading of philosophy, all the

human sciences, history, as well as fantastic fiction that appeals to my

sense of beauty – nobody can prescribe this to another, individual

taste set the criteria, just as a TV set has certain colour settings

You are the product of your inner predispositions and experience, you

will find yourself resonating with certain things and rejecting others as

disgusting or implausible – the choice is yours, enjoy discovering your

inner self and trying to find mental balance while trying out

Various scenarios of realities and scripts for experimenting with feelings

and emotional events and choose those that bring the most benefits to

you and your loved ones…

I Have a Correspondent

How interesting - having studied Abraham-Hicks’ on-line messages from

1997 to date, to read criticism levelled against Esther Hicks. Having read

EVERYTHING on the Internet – and you know me, I do read everything

and printed lots of it to read on paper, having read their journal, watched

their DVD and listening to their introduction CD, I am surprised and

amused that people make such FALSE accusations against them.

They have NEVER asked for money, their products are for sale and one

is free to buy or not - and their message changed my life around and led

me to post poetry on the Internet – only through the motivation and encou-

ragement they gave was I able to overcome my fear. I would have lost

my best friend and Big Bro if I were left to my own scary fantasies, but

working on the positive rules they teach, I was able to keep in touch

with him.

If I had allowed my own ideas to guide me, I would never have com-

municated with you after making a fool of myself - too much enthusiasm

and getting everything wrong – but Abraham’s message enabled me to

continue through the darkest parts of my journey.

And their message of attraction is daily proved in my life. When I am under

the influence of the allergy and my brain malfunctions, I do everything wrong

as my muscles and whole central nervous system are affected – and people

react negatively to me; even my loved ones find me odious at those times  

and no amount of help offered changes my negative and anxious

behaviour.

But when I follow my diet and are symptom-free, I find myself smiling and

relating to people with kindness and they react to me with joy. I only get

from people what I send out to them, and I experience everything

Abraham says.

I used to think the world was full of lovely people and I was a horrible

person for evoking negative responses – now I know the world is full

of ordinary people who BECOME lovely when I accost them with joy –

which I can only do when I am allergy-free. When I am delighted, I

evoke such delight from others, it seems like we are in heaven. When

I am in a position to help people, I can overcome the allergy-symptoms

– if they are not too strong  – and still evoke a positive response – but

when allergy-free, I evoke the most wonderful reaction from people.

I used to think everybody was always smiling and kind because they are

such special people. Then I discovered that they are reacting to my smile-

and if my smile is not there, they react differently. I send out a vibration

and it returns to me, exactly like Abraham says. I am so glad I don’t have

to defend my work against anybody who dislikes inconsistency - because

my poetry is an example of inconsistent ideas and feelings - being

anonymous, I don’t fear people querying my work – thank heaven.

I have great admiration for Esther that she is able to lay herself

bare to criticism.

As usual, individuals form groups around Abraham’s ideas and make a

mess of it – as ALL groups do – so I remain a lone wolf doing my own

thing and applying what works without having to answer to anybody

and without getting drawn into any cult – I am too inconsistent 
for that too!

I needed to explain my views after reading the comments on the Internet,

and hallelujah; I have a correspondent to whom I can direct my musings;

otherwise I would have had to swallow my  ideas and BURST!

Destroyer Of Peace

Linah is an absolute dear, the saviour of children about to drown
saving me when I fell in the shower, yet her reign of terror gets me
down - she cleans with her radio on high volume, nobody can do or
see something else, noise overpowering, only escape the front porch
where I am now-  and the bathtub where I have just been
 
The kids said they are used to the torment of noise and work around
it, my beloved says Linah should go if the noise turns up a few decibels
- yet Linah saved Nici from drowning  - nobody does anything about the
noise, my beloved pays her for more tasks as he sees her commitment –
Nici shows me the Igor movie in which a beloved monster works
 
Everyone to death – could this be a subliminal message that she knows
Linah is one such beloved monster, a destroyer of peace while being
so good to us?
 
28 August 2012

A Funny Human Being

Taking my little concerns and miniature

plans too seriously instead of laughing

at myself, telling all with shiny eyes of

my new ideals, taking new medication

enabling me to eat less and sitting still

for longer periods

The sitting still is happening, but without

a large dose of interest, is quite useless,

mind growing bored tries to veer off, yet

discipline keeps me at my desk without

accomplishment, boredom grows as I

fail to find islands  

Of glorious escapism to give my feelings

a break from cold emptiness, floundering

I cast about, the world shrinking to fit into

my aching head changing me into a use-

less robot without interest, passion or

ideal - immobile

Without feeling and emotion - without

conscience to power movement of my

head and eyes, reading words without

understanding anything, unable to set

priorities - I have become a useless

robot - at least

I used to be a funny human being

Free To Do As I Please

Packing my red cowboy hat, going to visit my sister,
the rose-coloured satin spread for mother’s bed and
the soft pink fleece also, honey and chocolates for
dad, teddy bear and small plastic dolls, I want to
give one each to mom and twin sis, sunscreen
and swimsuit, laptop and camera
 
Pens and notebooks, I shall ask dad for an account
of how he moved with his family from a farm to the
town when he was small, where they lived when he

had to steal coal for cooking and smuggle alcohol 

eke out a meagre living, left school and got a job, got
married though he and mom never got along
 
Jot down our history for my kids, see the mosaics my
twin sis makes for her Rinkle Twinkle shop, hear mom
playing piano, see the wide open fields, feel the free-
dom of unlimited space, live life without pressure and
documents, taking photos for great memories of a
time when I was free to do as I please…
 
Saturday 25 August 2012

The World In-Between

Finished reading Then Sam Came Along

Edward van de Vendel - consciousness

stream of a 9-year old boy, story moves

too slowly - but the final confrontation is

a great moral lesson, use of language

Is perfect, I’m mesmerised, still in the

world in-between reality pressing the

air out of me and storybook universe

with disputes resolved - I’m willing to

bet this will make a difference to

Sensitive, intelligent kids subliminally

aware of moral issues, yet there is no

helping the block-headed ones who

cannot respond to high ideals, who

suffers too much common-sense

Common-sense blocks magical endings,

Nelson Mandela held to beautiful dreams

of peace instead of the common-sense

notion of an eye for an eye; using Then

Came Sam to teach 9-year olds

Is a brilliant idea - the resolution of the

dispute has me enthralled - I cannot

return to the empty world in which

I live

Heat-Stroke Murderer

There must be an autistic idiot with multiple personalities in charge of

our air-con, when temperatures in winter fell to 3 degrees Celsius the

air-con was put on freeze, everybody complained, we need more

heat, but icy air poured forth

Then temperatures started to soar to 30 degrees during the day and NOW

the simpering, evil-minded idiot has turned up the temperature so we fry,

it should be rather funny, but I could kill, should you read

of a heat-stroke murderer in Kingsley - you should know it was ME! 

[I work in Kingsley Centre, situated in the erstwhile Beatrix Street which

has now happily been renamed Steve Biko Street, it’s wonderful isn’t

it – my address keeps on changing without my having to move my feet!]