Drinking In Sunshine

The day is glowing,
the leaves in the trees
glow with an inner light,
the grass bright, the sky
an intense blue canopy
framing the scene
 
I partake of the glorious day
slumbering in the sun, glowing
in its might, dreaming a little bit
while my legs are growing red
and the shade keeps running
away, I keep moving my chair
 
Drinking in sunshine and life…

Not Lonely Any More

I’m not alone any more – oh, I was lonely
earlier today – when I spoke and someone
ignored me, everybody but me getting ready
to go on a course, the wind blowing wildly and
I tried to clean the swimming pool
 
When I lay in front of the TV watching Top Gear,
the only show – besides cricket and rugby – ever
watched in this house, when I was tired and had
to look interested in life – but I’m not lonely any
more, not with Big Bang Theory

And That Seventies Show and recorded dancing

shows - I’m not lonely any more - watching Kara
Tointon and Eliana dancing on stage, living the
dreams I did not allow my heroines
 

Kara Tointon – Strictly Come Dancing

Eliana – So You Think You Can Dance

A Benchmark Shock

Today a benchmark shock in self-discovery
a colleague explained she read everything
on a subject she does not understand when
she has to translate a new text on it - feeling
terribly guilty I realised I cannot force myself
to do that, trying to overcome violent distaste
in anything that holds no appeal simply ends
in me being ill
 
I should have become a nun with my interest
in spiritual matters, by this time I would have
been feeling totally sinful, dead or locked up
in a hospital for the mentally ill, thus the world
would have been spared my presence and I
would have been enjoying my justly earned
suffering for multiple shortcomings - now I
am an anchor, a provider
 
Sending kids to college, gathering for pension
funds, I may not admit how much I detest trying
to do things in which I cannot excel - lacking the
emotional stability to do things for financial in-
crease - only able to survive in between texts
by reading fairytales and enacting them in my
life – if it were possible to volunteer for early
death due to guilt feelings
 
I would have been the first one on the list

Indulging In Spring (Revised)

Indulging In Spring

At least in his own eyes being The Oracle of

Delphi, he  declaims ‘look for the positive in

your experience’ - I decide this gives me leave

to purchase more purple flowers to bring the

feeling of a colourful spring into the office

 

Like a wilting willow tree sitting buoyed by various

devices – sides of a rubber hot water bottle changed

my seat into a purple stronghold – awaiting lunch

hour patiently to escape and indulge in the colours

and textures of spring on offer outside

 

The sun has been weakened by clouds, jacaranda

trees threatening to burst into purple waterfalls,

a few shops there in which to aimlessly browse for

the simple delight of discovering interesting objects

I would never buy

 

High-heeled shoes, handbags, flowery dresses

soft evening gowns with shiny bodices, new

styles in sandals and the finest scarves with

glittery lines – if I were a millionaire I would

buy up the shops and play with everything

 

Just to put them back feeling relieved that

I do not have to take care of anything

 

Lose My Head

My headache lifts completely when I think of

lovely entities, pain seems psychosomatic

and controlled as long as I set my mind on

finding intriguing things

 

Found slip-on platforms to wear at work, hair

colour spray, coke zero - also bought a purple

flower, preparing slyly to abide the great

purple fall colour explosion in tune with

 

Jacarandas outside; these heavenly touches

change life into a dream, I am going to hunt for

the Nutcracker ballet on DVD and watch it taking

in sugar plum fairies and mouse kings

 

Accompanied by the sweetest music humans

ever produced, Tchaikovsky was scared of losing

his head while conducting - maybe he felt the

magic in music would cost him his mind

 

I feel the same, I would love to lose my head and

change into a melody, existing as vibrations in air

would bring about an existence of eternal bliss

and release…

 

Beyond Life's Metronome (Revised)

Wanting to prolong joy I keep a soap-bubble moment

alive – watching two young dancers perform the same
enchanting scenes again, delighting in creamed icing
of true classical ballet
 
Less enamoured with the dance and being impatient
you could not, you’d rather continue to walk in dreary
reality without the edges shining – whereas I need to
drink in all joy and beauty to fortify my heart
 
When returned to the darkest parts of reality, the
repetitive dissonance of a grey monotone reciting
litanies of criminal deeds with recriminations has
me buried by it –unable to dream of assistance
 
Failure is a testament to the strength of my desire to
reach for spiritual life where my need for roots and
anchors led to my changing into a root anchoring
me without beauty, music and harmony – though
 
I listen to song, sway with the dance – beyond life’s
metronome slowly coming to a standstill

Understand What I Mean

The wind keeps the air crystal clear - the
antique glass lamp with shiny reflections
the brightness lifts up my heart and
keeps it there
 
Lying in the sun dreaming, a dream that
carries me through everything, making it
enjoyable to be alive - I told my beloved
of my dream
 
He said the dream was me; a delightful
reply, I slyly laughed - I did not tell him
everything - too much vanity cannot be
confessed, but
 
With a dream in my heart life seems
beautiful, without dreams I am dead
inside without power to smile - so
please forgive me
 
All non-physical powers who can read my
mind, I apologise for dreaming so much
I adore reality as benevolent and loving
and wonderful
 
I only need dreams to create myself as
I can’t find myself anywhere - only in
dreams there is space for me, I do
not exist in life
 
- Do you understand what I mean?

 

In Love with the Sun

Imagine I could be someone else who could
sing all the songs that I love, who could join
the dance, free to express the beauty I see
in words that charmed the sorrowful heart
- wouldn’t life be meaningful then?

Saturday 22 September 2012

The world around me is beautiful
the bejewelled swimming pool, the
emerald grass, soft breeze, lying
in the sun - dreaming

Waking with a smile, floating on the
dream, preparing lunch, listening to
Chopin - Les Sylphydes - happy
to cry with the melody

Looking at what I wrote yesterday
I smile, if I cannot express beauty
adequately, at least I can keep
the memory alive

Waltzing in the kitchen all by myself,
heaving like a ship in stormy seas
moving in circles, satisfied that
the feeling of delight

Is still there, my imagination set free
still makes me feel like a dancer
expressive on nimble feet – I’m
in love with the sun!

Sunday 23 September 2012

Succumbing To His Charms

Being an ardent follower of dances, romances,

things of the night – as long as I return to the

comforting arms of my beloved afterwards – I

realised that an English actress who plays My

Fair Lady then ends up in the embrace of a

Russian dancer as she strides a chair in a wild

tango while looking like Audrey Hepburn herself

and the Russian dancer then has to disentangle

himself from his American wife -

Should prepare for possible disappointment as

the Russian who left his American wife without

much ado will probably leave his Audrey Hepburn

lookalike for the next beautiful lady who takes to

the stage on Strictly Come Dancing firmly clasped

in his arms while succumbing to his charms – or

vice versa – point is, when a radiant young lady

takes the fancy of a married man, odds are high

the next more radiant lady

Will have the same effect on him, and I smile at my

beloved who never goes to a dance, content

to be true to me only

Keeps Me Writing

Chocolate cake, chemical reaction

intolerance, allergy - Thursday

is scrapped – right off the map

feeling hungry, angry, depressed

all because I ate that darn

chocolate cake!

Why should I have an allergy

to sour my life? I suppose that

it is to keep worse things at bay

at least I’m not blind or deaf or

too dumb, maybe it’s better to

suffer depression

Than to be the reincarnation of

Helen Keller who was both deaf

and blind – still, I wish I could enjoy

the use of ears and eyes with

a twinkle in my eye

instead of feeling

As if the dogs stole my food

or that the cat dragged me in

or that life has no meaning –

THIS is the scariest of all

losing a hold on existence

cast adrift on the sea

At least, the allergy keeps me

writing, maybe this is another

good thing – or is it?

You be the judge…