Sleep Into Tomorrow [Rev]

All alone tonight; my Beloved’s here, but he’s sleeping
his way into tomorrow - the new duties at work - a new
responsibility as Pricewaterhouse Coopers landed him
with more than he bargained for - so

I’m not the only one going into shock as the New Year
approaches; I’ve got the Royal Variety performance as
company because everything else’s worse - that’s how
bad it is; daughter left with her best friend, son left with
 
A casual work acquaintance, my beloved left for bed to
sleep away the old year with impatience for tomorrow -
he can’t stand the wait for important things to happen
so I’m alone - and that’s the way it should be - IF I’m

Willing to remain the companion of my honest, sweet,
enthusiastic, unique beloved - my sweetheart has my
full support in overcoming his staggering obstacles - ;
my son came by with a friend in tow - another friend

Meeting them at the restaurant & I’m left alone which
reminds me of the time I was selling flowers on New
Year’s Eve & old Portuguese women sat around big
serving baskets while the young ones danced - I

Was the odd one out; today I’m the oddity again - as
long as my beloved regards New Year’s Eve an event
that’s intensely private it has a meaning that I will be
discreetly isolated as he goes off to try sleep his way
Into tomorrow…

A New Journey [Rev]

Was met with scathing comment from my kids in an
attempt at creating beautiful spaces; - daughter said
I created childish landscapes wherever I went - and
pointed to the pink edging I applied to the turquoise
curtains in the once-white living room, it might have
passed muster if I hadn’t used shiny crystal strings;
my son said the study resembled the local material
shop - and this inspired me to rearrange things

But when I stood on my chair he was shocked at my
daring to balance on a revolving unstable object - &
I sighed - I’ve been standing on cupboards balanced
on tables which were placed on desks in my office -
through the years; balancing is about knowing where
the pivotal point is and never overextending; yet how
can he know his mother as an acrobat; rearranging is
fun and joys of decorating change it frequently

One long uninterrupted pattern of ornaments & décor
ideas is not fun - I change things as a process is the
best part of anything, a journey of joy, arrival at any
destination only means a new journey is planned…

Half-filled Notebooks [Rev]

The study’s a small room, adding cascades of white
& silver lace makes it looks bigger; now let’s rejoice
because my books have been unpacked, stacked in
neat piles behind a façade formed by a duo of sturdy
bags which the little alien has carefully hidden all his
precious notebooks in

Greyish-blue-teal cloth - shiny like water in the sun -
covers the bags to hide them; the tops are covered
by shimmering white & silver glitter fabric, Scorpio
loves the new look while the notebooks are safe ’til
I can sort them; the little alien spent two days in the
study cleaning it and my porch, moving furniture

And washing every ornament & glass bowl, small
housekeeping tasks keep a fear of trying to decide
the notebooks future at bay - sorting’s deferred to
another day & the house is clean: excellent ways
of procrastinating, escaping pressing problems,
but what to do with a host of half-filled notebooks…

Refusal

This and that and the next thing - just don’t tell me,
just don’t tell me – a conversation only takes place
on MY terms, he says, don’t ask questions - I won’t
repeat the plot of an article or movie, I won’t tell you,
I won’t tell you, read it for yourself or watch the film

Just don’t ask me, don’t ask me, I never analyse any
topics and conversations only take place on my terms,
then he adds - Feel free to talk - and as I start – Just
don’t tell me, just don’t tell me, talk about the weather
or cars – but be specific, what car compared to which

Other car, don’t compare unrelated things - discuss
home improvements, the paving – the nuclear waste
in the back – that’s what it is, I think without saying
it – painting the paving, fixing the ceiling, sports –
but only relevant things, not the All Blacks or your

Admiration for them – just don’t tell me what you think,
only tell me what I want you to think, repeat my thoughts
back to me - as for the rest, just don’t tell me, just don’t
tell me - and I put up with it because in life’s equation as
a game of pros and cons, his honesty weighs more than

His refusal to listen to me, after all…

Happy Decision

Decided on a new use for my lampshade top:
as a pink rose-patterned cover for a cushion,
so much better than wearing it resembling a
walking curtain; with my beloved deciding to
succumb to his nerves & sleeping so much,
I watch disfigured cancer patients on TV

Parts of their faces gone, reinforcing a cancer
surgeon’s refusal to undergo treatment when,
in his turn, he was diagnosed with cancer “All
those years, he declared, I’d cut people up,
removed eyes, noses, jaws, caused them a
constant embarrassment & pain yet seldom

Prolonged their lives beyond 5 years of misery
due to radiation - just adding them to a list of
“successful” statistics, not divulging many died
after 5 years meaning their treatment was just
unnecessary pain; I reject prolonging length of
my life at the cost of quality and I’m sorry for

What I did to patients” his words ringing in my
ears - since I believe consciousness endures
beyond this life, I have my own ideas regarding
use of medical science to force people into the
role of helpless victims & I shall take my own
counsel when proposed interventions threaten

My happy decision to move out of this life into the
astral or any other ethereal dimensions…

[Story:

After my editor’s changes I also changed the poem’s
ending to clearly state my plans should medical events
suggest health options that would cause scarring which
only a dedicated Frankenstein-monster fan or Phantom-
of-The-Opera imitator would consent to, accepting the
medico’s mangling interventions – the title is changed
to reflect the happy decision here not to become just
another false statistic as a helpless victim.]

Soft Fleece [Rev]

Finally the jittery feeling’s gone & two mischievous
connivers, my son and I, creep from the house with
sleeping Lord and Master of the Crocodile Castle’s
garage card, put fuel in his car - five distinctions in
the law exam deserves my son this credit, and the
shakiness is suddenly gone: I always suspect

Supernatural influences - though it’s infantile & no
evidence is ever found; I feel anxiety about mom &
sis fearing I pick up subliminal help messages; yet
when I enquire, sis turns into a haughty Duchess
pushing me away and mom becomes the Queen
of Hearts bragging about her conquests – maybe

The illegal oats mixture I had earlier today really
fixed my system, even if insomnia and sinus are
the result; now peace covers me like soft fleece
spreading wings enfolding my soul - making my
heart feel safe

Probable Meaning [Rev]

I’m shimming about the house and looking like an
oversized lampshade, jittery with impending doom
feelings following every move, not knowing when
to start to meditate since it can be done all through
the day - I can’t decide the time, feeling confused

Doing the laundry & watching National Geographic
programmes searching for the hopping crocodile;
after a week of over-sugaring on chocolates while
visiting my relations, real food seems boring and
pointless; tried sorting half-filled notebooks last

Night to decide which to trash - but the little alien
in my head got too agitated, I relented, decided to
junk nothing - but what’s the point of even sorting
them then? Now I’m just hanging about the house,
buying fabrics I don’t need & filling mega-big bags

With notebooks ’til they are too heavy to move; I’m
making NO headway trying to tidy; I’m a hoarder &
there’s no stopping the dictatorial little alien in my
head proclaiming notebooks and printed internet
information sacred - caught in a mental inner fight

Between rational clearing of clutter - and the little
tyrant in charge - I’m too fatigued to fight back and
thus evade debate by dithering and pottering and
wondering about the probable meaning of my
useless existence….