Love The Train Set [REV.]

My 86 year old dad is entranced by trains - went to
the Chinese shop to see what they’ve got - sighted
a lovely discount toy train set perfect for his delight,
emboldened I bought him a steel steam locomotive
too, an ornament to complement the set

I want to help dad set up tracks and get the train to
run around their new house down in the Cape; also
found him a Swedish cap - can’t wait to see Conan
wearing this while we are playing, wish I could fly
there right now and watch his face, forget there

Ever was a time I could not stand him because of his
angry voice - I’ve always had a fetish with noise - but
today I love him so much, knowing what he had been
through - amazed he survived when he landed under
the hooves of mules as a boy - and when

He had to steal coal to warm his cold parental home
where without beds he and his siblings slept in old
coats on the floor; oh, how he will love the train set,
I can’t wait to get there!

[11 July 2014]

The Bunch In My Head [REV.]

Read on the Internet that at age sixteen Charlotte Church
lost her voice when she sang Carmen - yup, that’s what I
would have done were I in her shoes, stormed the opera
citadel, shown everyone what we can do, elated in being
alive and feeling vibration moving right through until the
very bones in our bodies rang -

Then crash back to earth with a bang; when I look at the
emotional demands of stardom its clear why I can’t even
construct a heroine winning fame, my protagonists hate
popularity games such I can’t even mention any beauty
pageants, I have no control over the Charlotte Brontë &
Jane Austen bunch in my head –

Elizabeth Bennet remains my ideal, every heroine wants
that role; it is so fatiguing finding Mr Darcy’s for them…

[11 July 2014]

Feel The Joy [REV.]

The noise of the music created confusion and I
swept my earphones away to sit in quiet peace
with my pain - a result of eating fudge-picasso
pudding (which had me sitting up for half of the
night) - now I’m in nowhere-land, right within

The black hole in my head where everything is
dead, even letters jumping under my fingers to
appear on screen seem slain & the moment’s
becoming a hole in the fabric of time, I am so
helpless for now - but do not despair, I know

It’s temporary - not long-lasting such as it was
when a child; the pain crunching my back and
affecting my neck won’t hold sway and I’ll not
indulge again, not for a very long time as it is
so much better to be able to feel joy in the

Mere act of breathing, of being in existence…

[11 July 2014]

Singing

A Chastened Me [1st REVISION]

It’s not for keeping yet, the alternative consciousness
I’ve lost, it was on loan to see how grand life can be
when we are free to be happy, a promise of things to
come; in its wonderful mood I was flying and dancing
in circles with delight in my heart, and with great

Self-control carried out mundane tasks having no
purpose other than requiring we learn how to bring
joy to life’s routine, not just exceptional moments -
I switched back from overdrive to everyday cruising
mode and looked up words - when the feeling

Of loss grew too strong - it was so wonderful to have
fun - the contrast with everyday grey was too much; I
ran from the office, looked for a new place to rest my
thoughts, slid into a novel then returned to the same
space I had left just to find a mess I made when my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high; it’s a much
chastened me, back in a reality I don’t understand


**************************************************

2. [ORIGINAL:]

I lost it – the alternative consciousness, it’s not for
keeping yet, it’s just on loan to see how grand life
can be when we are free to be happy, a promise of
things to come; in that wonderful mood I was flying
while dancing in circles with delight in my heart

Then with great self-control carried out the mundane
tasks which have no purpose other than learning how
to bring joy to everything in life, not just to exceptional
moments - I switched back from overdrive to everyday
cruising mode and looked up words – when a feeling

Of loss grew too strong – it was so wonderful to have
fun - the contrast with everyday grey was too much; I
ran from the office, looking for a new place to rest my
thoughts, dived into a novel then returned to the same
space where I left just to find I made a mess while my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high, this is a very
much chastened me, back in a reality I can’t understand

[9 July 2014]


****************************************************

3. [ALTERNATIVE FORM:]

I lost it
the alternative consciousness,

it’s not for keeping yet,
just on loan to see how grand life can be
when we are free to be happy,
a promise of things to come;

in that wonderful mood I was flying
while dancing in circles
with delight in my heart

then with great self-control
carried out mundane tasks which have
no purpose other than learning how
to bring joy to everything in life,
not just to exceptional moments -

I switched back from overdrive to
everyday cruising mode and looked up words -
when a feeling of loss grew too strong
it was so wonderful to have fun -

the contrast with everyday grey was too much;
I ran from the office,
looking for a new place to rest my thoughts,
dived into a novel

then returned to the same
space I had left
just to find I made a mess
while my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high,
this is a very much chastened me,
back in a reality I can’t understand

A Melodious Carousel [REV.]

I only wanted a bag camouflaged in black to stash
the illegal trash I drag to work: water, a book, extra
shoes, my fan, a DVD - but it was way too small an
amount for a credit card transaction so I had to buy
chocolate, spoons and vampire nail polish

Dark like old printer’s ink; already into a mint crisp
while looking at my translation - heart sinking, it is
an import permit with every term to be researched,
mint is changing my mouth into a sticky cave and
no sucking effort can lift mint of teeth

Such is life - resigned to boredom of official texts,
bureaucracy at its modern best as Terry Pratchett
said, true modern hell lacking stimulation - yet the
background music is heavenly, Mozart making the
stars sing, then Dames Kiri Te Kanawa
 
And Joan Sutherland mesmerise with satin voices,
each note a musical masterpiece, a vibrating pearl
of infinite delight bound to the next celestial note by
the sweet, clear sound recreating Indra’s net where
every note reflects every other in a 

Melodious carousel of notes holistically attached to
form a perfect illusion of lighted sound spiralling in
an eternal roundabout in which the song becomes
a horizontal explosion of vertical chords creating a
melody moving on inexorably, unstoppable  

The total explains everything about quantum physics
and holograms I ever struggled to understand – and
still the melody sings…

[8 July 2014]

The Real People Outside [REV.]

Vindicated after my beloved explained his attempt

to improve our standard of living failed to bring it

on par with those of his colleagues - beautiful people

who never go to Pretoria Station as it is below their

status, never make bus trips to the Cape - they fly,

never waste time reading but gym every day

Exquisite, long-finger-nailed women, well-cared

for houses with expensive possessions, good-taste

clothes resembling the Queen of England’s yellow

hat and crimplene look-alike coat - while I, he was

sorry to say, went to work like a tramp carrying a

big, unwieldy bag, wearing an unflattering, bright

Floral sack - the house a mess, study a den of iniquity,

kids’ rooms sources of evil; sulphur and brimstone are

too good for us - we drag him down to the level of a

hobo in sackcloth and ashes and IT IS ALL MY fault,

a low crocodile failing to instil discipline because

I live in eternal chaos and confusion

I change his life into a low-key living hell; I read

books and have theories but can’t atone for being

BAD housekeeper, terrible cook with bad taste in

clothes, wearing no make-up, lacking finesse, style

and sophistication - oh, did he forget to mention

his lovely colleague’s glamorous daughter who

Won several beauty contests, and another colleague’s

son - Victor Ludorum for academic & sport prowess

while our kids live in squalor; and June, back from

visiting friends, recounts the same experience as

yours truly, the Ice Princess, living the same kind

of non-life, reading books - taken to task for

Her dishevelled hair, boring earrings and daft dress,

listens to my experience, and with a mischievous

smile, agrees we live in a different world from the

REAL people outside…

[8 July 2014]