Converse With Me [R]

The reason for my unhappiness is ‘Orwellian
Crimestop’ practiced by my ethical colleagues
enjoying the protective stupidity of deciding to
accept everything taught by propaganda and
brainwashing while I’m a sceptic, too curious
to believe just anything: there’s only 1 kind of
truth, intersubjective consensus & it changes
with political expediency, Belief IS the logical

Basis for the self-created reality we live in and
since the culture & religion I was born in used
religion to propagate hatred & racism, it’s clear
gods are created by humanity’s desire for any-
thing that furthers selfish interest, this train of
thought is ignored by those who blindly follow
leaders taking their power & freedom away,
brilliant minds are flat and one-dimensional

Refusing to look at alternatives to the current
paradigm, safely ensconced in this protective
stupidity - the sad thing is they are bored and
repelled by seemingly apostate thinking - they
live passionately according to the categorical
imperatives of  working hard, so wonderful to
see - the only problem is that nobody ever
wants to converse with me…

The Dunce’s Behest [R]

I.              The Dunce’s Behest [R]

A story - leading to the ultimate in humility,
because she chose to be the dunce in class
she serves under the dunces of the universe,
when she has taken 30 mile steps she must
stop and retrace every league at the dunce’s
behest, this story will not lead to glory since
she doesn’t know how to formulate a request
for improved conditions and respect, how to

Escape the smothering strangulation of those
unable to follow her logic & now she doesn’t
trust herself any more, everything she sees,
does, thinks and encounters is tarnished by
her corroding touch, her vibration slows so
only grey registers on her emotional scale as
she has to look up to pugnacious nuns trying
to tread on her fingers from time to time, and

She realises her fingers are crushed - as she
has ignored her emotional feedback system
her whole life long, her emotions solidified into
a flat plateau where nothing matters and even
less happens, another 5 years imprisonment
before she can escape purgatory under well-
meaning but presumptions nuns trying their
best to administer the lessons in humility she

Requested to purge her from desire and
refine her dreams; there’s nothing here for
her except criticism so her existence serves
as the platform from which the nuns get off
to get their daily dose of self-emulation and
glorification, she understands at  last - being                                                                      cast as the Ugly Duckling forever is not the

Fun it seemed to be in a world of fairy tales….

Threatened By Dreams

I’m listening not caring what I’m hearing, nothing
makes sense, nothing leads anywhere - we just
drift on the waters of eventuality -with no end in
sight - we have a state-capturing President and
America has a Trumpeting Trumpster heading
for the White House: I’m drifting in

The empty lanes of mediocrity, translating with
no prize to give meaning to assembly-lane work,
so I concede I’ve nothing to say, nothing to give,
nothing to contribute, the role I play – what is it?
I’m a nonentity, nothing to achieve, no ideal as
lode-star: it doesn’t matter what I feel –

Or what YOU feel, what anybody says - we have
a Zumadimi-Dudukini-Malema-dilemma and the
guru I like most declares the Donald as amazing
victor in the sweepstakes of creating through focus
and dreams: now I feel threatened by my dreams…

Life-giving Green

NO challenge, no hurdles, no accomplishment, and
now it doesn’t matter because the rain is washing
away all sorrows, the threatening drought is more
important than my ear-ache and depression facing
bleak words that carry me right back to the age of
9 when lessons on the merino sheep drove me to
despair, the same despair rears its head as this
existential phytosanitary text runs on roasting my
mind and shriveling my spirit, mute I’m laying my
head under a guillotine of grey auditors reinforcing
the work of the Dementors trying to suck all joy out
of my soul; determined to follow my via Dolorosa
to the end and continue my Pilgrim’s Progress I
feel my heart shrinking and my emotions dying,
step-by-step I descend into Hades, yet right now
it’s raining and everything else disappears in the
the joy of sheer survival and life-giving green

As You Want Me To

I hope I can stay down and resigned, that no false
joy or illusionary delight draw my focus away from
the blackness of our economy - from plummeting
markets and my own aches and pains & may I be
preserved from counting my blessings because

That is blasphemy unheard, may I stay in the dark
realm of unhappiness to save you from frustration
of a cheerful me – what a cross that must be! – to
keep following in your depressing footsteps, echo
your forebodings and soothsaying of an eternal

Drought in the heart, the shame of being unprepared
for comfortable income and easy years - yes, let me
sink my head and never lift my eyes, let me keep my
gaze firmly fixed on the anxious thoughts that inspire
our painful walk through life - may this absolute

Depression replace my hateful aggression - so I can
sigh and cry and be sad all the time - just as you
want me to….

Survive My Life

Deaf on the left - my left ear & learning state
capture isn’t clear - not clear enough to stop
capturers from continuing with illegal ousting
of honest people, and you complaining loud-
ly about losing your pension – finance being

Your sole interest in life at present; - robbed
me from the pleasure of browsing in a local
shop for suitable tops - I don’t care so much
that the country’s falling apart, your reaction
to this event causes the injury that smarts -

You rant and rave making me feel guilty for
trying to save my inflammatory left ear - for
living & breathing, then obtaining medicine,
the only short-term relief I know is watching
the most notorious killers in Britain, taking

Comfort that 1 day a mass murderer might
also help me to close my eyes for the last
time to become consciousness freed from
the isolation of being the failed bureaucrat
whose circumspect colleagues treat her as

An anomaly, imagination equating her to a
most abhorred incumbent in administrative
circles & do you know how awful it is to be
shunned by GOOD people? - - rejected for
not able to do routine assembly-line work

In a way that improves life since I’m also
plagued by existential crises and a brain
like a black hole-sieve that shunts all facts
into a pensieve before properly realising
what important terms mean, how could

My life descend into such a low sphere,
how did I estrange many GOOD people,
how selfish am I that others can never
confide their troubles to me? -- T’is the
end and I admit that I never got it right

Yet my spiritual website tells we can’t get
it wrong as we never get it done because
evolution is eternal, developing to Infinity
so there is no ending –let me continue to
thwart those who claim to know it all, not

To punish them, only to survive my life…

One Thin Shard

In quiet stupefaction I watch as my body
language as well as irrelevant or the most
unsuitable remarks destroy my life, I simper,
whimper and sigh until no positive feeling
remains in my breast, with a ballistic ear
directing my disposition & attitude through
pain, I watch horrified as even the basic
forms of interaction disintegrate, either

My body is a stranger to me or my mind
has gone haywire; sitting in 30 degree
Celsius as our old friend the ancient air-
con broke down again in the middle of an
overheated season - despondent, I can’t
visualize myself normal again & carry on
acting like a simpering simpleton saying
the most outrageously stupid things, so

Inappropriate my colleague’s endeavoring
to survive by ignoring the idiotic remarks
that keep jumping out of my mouth like the
thorns and thistles in the fairytale of the
girl who damned herself - why does my
mind keep breaking into pieces and only
one thin shard’s left for trying to do my
work and live my life?