Who We Really Are (Revised)

I still love fairytales best, archetypes of

plain heroines growing beautiful when

devoting their time to help all kinds of

beings arriving at magic pools

Where washing will make the subject

look fabulous – a fairy says look at your

face and radiant smile, the kindness

you have shown everyone to date

Has already made you shine, no need

to wash in this pool – common serving

maids offered a bath in pools of oil or

gold, one humble soul choosing oil

Is pressed into gold to arise graced with

a star on her brow; in arrogance another

chose gold and is doused in oil to rise

with her face cowed by a donkey tail

All tales where quests for inner beauty

are based; I learned later to respect all

other roles in the play, goblins, witches,

evil magicians - everyone needed

To make drama fascinating and more

testing, requiring resolution of conflict

in unheard-of ways - unshakeable belief

in good intentions creates connection

With an inner light, so appreciating their

presentation evokes respect for mine,

sharing laughter behind the scenes,

on stage we play our roles perfectly

A sly wink testimony only we know

the all of who we really are…

What We Wanted All Along (Revised)

The sun made a turquoise pool for me in saying

Goodnight, creating glaciers blue using clouds

drifting by – now to explain my take on Many

World's Theory:

Quantum theorists say make a decision and

worlds split - divergent choices fulfilled meet

at one point if the same effect results from

every choice

The Many Worlds fuse again, - when different

decisions lead to different results, worlds stay

apart, every new universe has to meet its very

own destiny

We prepare the mind to pick up signs of new

events through mediation, we choose whether

we participate or go another way, the sub-

conscious drives our minds

We’re informed subliminally of what's to come,
free to agree or reject each destiny - thus we

shape our lives - if we don't understand
how it came about, life is agony

But if we fathom what is going on, we realise the
final end is what we wanted all along

The Promise Of Surprise (Revised)

 The weather in my heart is a sunless,

cold, cloudy day, I fill up the emotional

chasm with dates and nuts, how can I

do French revision when the sun cannot

break through to say hello

So people like me who have prescribed books
still in bookcases instead of the new money

races created by brilliant young writers like

him has this author’s revulsion for us

audibly expressed

Wonder why he must hate so much, sighing

I see life as a spiral ascending but I’ve no

dream for myself, embedded in my own

tininess, used to love thinking of dramatic

dénouements, people in dispute

One cathartic explosion - all enriched with
new insight, listening to music while typing
- music the theme threading scenes of my

life in one - wherever I go it is music

that makes me feel at home

A voice singing stories to accompaniment
- suddenly the scenario is changed - I am

just returned from riding my son's new

bike for the first time, feeling as if I am

twelve years old again

Brilliant sunlight appeared with bright

white clouds against a clear blue sky while

the wind made me feel at home as I sped

along – that delight will enable me to finish

French revision -

Music playing softly in the background

at low volume for more enticing sound

rejoicing because life still holds

the promise of surprise…

Diet of Death and Deprivation

Since EVERYTHING is forbidden, bread, biscuits,
corn, wheat, sugar, salt, chocolate, coffee, leaving
only vegetables and certain fruit to eat and drinking
green tea, I crave granadilla cake with icing
 
Realising that following a diet does not make me feel
great nor solve the allergy, I ate the biscuits and white
roll I craved so long tonight, nothing to read except
Conan Doyle’s ‘Sherlock Holmes’ totally abridged
 
“Molly Moon” and Doris Collins’ The Power Within’ –
hoping to find inspiration there – I now have eyes
swollen to slits that would make Lord Voldemort of
Harry Potter fame seem like a beauty
 
As well as glowing cheeks like two red apples so I could
play the role of Snow-White’s evil stepmother convincingly,
luckily this is Saturday night, tomorrow time to convalesce
before getting regurgitated into Monday
 
To start following the diet of death and deprivation again…
 

My Soul Is Untouched

My body has given up on me even as

I have given up on life, if THIS is all I
can achieve, it is not meaningful to
continue in this physical world
 
In my youth I thought to render service
even as I gathered knowledge – yet –
though reading everything in books and
on the Internet, I still understand
 
Only a few things and my wisdom – such
as it may be – has never been tested, with
regard to service, I have not rendered any
or very little - I smile continuously - so
 
Everyone asks why I seem happy - I reply
because I work in paradise - and it is true,
the only thing is that there is no-one to help,
no big challenge, the mental stimulation of
 
Every translation does not fire my heart,
my soul is untouched, if there is no way in
which I can change my life, only moving on
to become pure consciousness - is left…
 
--------------------------------------------------
 
Started French revision while watching
television, why not, at school we did our
homework to radio and later to television
as soon as we got one
 
Soon the repetitive request to rephrase little
questions to indicate knowledge of gender
and verbs as used in French drove me to
distraction, luckily boredom of evaluation  
 
Of every aspiring dancer made me go on
long past my boredom threshold, tonight
I am surprised to find that I feel empty, it
should have been different, I should be
 
Happy and proud about all I have done –
yet the question remains – what is the
sense of it all – and the reply makes me
feel dumb – realising that it is all
 
A mental game in the end, we make it
up as we go, I need to make up a new
world because repeating things over
and over ad infinitum is driving me
 
To despair….

Fairies And Mermaids And One Shepherdess

Now I have French revision to do, it has suddenly
become imperative to take photos of my figurines:  
fairies and mermaids and one shepherdess, when
writing exams at university we always found it was
necessary to wash floors, tidy rooms, clean every-
thing before studying
 
Strange how small things gain in importance when
any prospect of learning arises, I know playing with
my camera is a projection of an unwillingness to do

revision tonight - tomorrow I shall apply myself -

tonight I just want to admire the soft purple flower
I put next to my porcelain fairy
 
A symbol of immutable beauty and inner peace, with
the peace she imparted in my heart, I’m going to bed
resigned to start revising tomorrow, learning oppor-
tunity is precious, maybe I forgot a lot - yet the joy
of accomplishment will make the sacrifice of time
worthwhile – I always worry about something
 
It is as if I’m always anxious and scared and all the
time projecting this on to anything and everything
that happens, although I know nothing is worthy of
such continuous worry, it is impossible to get rid of
the habit- I’ve got to learn to forget youthful ideals
and make peace with my inability to study until
 
I know everything perfectly, just knowing about the
huge range of possibility offered by reality
has to be enough…