A Doldrums-State [Rev]

The shaving-of-my-head-ideal came to naught,
I rather need pink burkas to hide behind - clad
from head to toe nothing showing, eyes behind
a mesh of fabric or a religious mask - I’ll not be
criticised again, never stand before my loved
ones in all my lack of splendour while my bad
imitation of a pompadour drives them nuts

All they’ll see that day would be a pall of pink - &
by the way, today I suffered the heartache of work
badly done since kind Mother Superior sent me the
wrong templates in the absence of Mother Abbess;
thus I lost all courage and trust, no hope on the
power of Wisdom left, wallowing in self-pity –
but ins spite of all that, here I am

Creating terrifying heartburn by eating chips, it’s
almost as good as self-flagellation - though my
allergic reaction is worse since I lose my mind,
remaining in a doldrums-state until the more
rational faculty - or part of it – returns…

Game Of Life [Rev]

I couldn’t sleep - Nici’s cat kept miaowing and peace
was only obtained by scratching her head, checking
her food and building a nest with a blanket stretched
between her chair and Nici’s bed, a wild-dog stuffed
animal’s fur against her neck: she’s happy and I feel
better after reading Nici’s SMS - she’ll return in six

Months; I’ve already started planning a homecoming:
first day only her dad & I, Jacques with Tiaan to tend
a fire for the braai; next day, friends she’d care to see -
I’ll take leave, enjoy the vivid sensation of her electric
presence - like in chasing me from her room, berating
me for using HER blanket

To construct a cave for her noisy cat, also her hating
my hairstyle so much - she’d refuse to comment then
tell me in no uncertain terms how stupid I was - and I
will hang on every word the worldly-wise little madam
uses, so glad to have my daughter home - and she’ll
complain with a wide smile - what a lovely time, the

Distance between us means she’ll be able to enjoy
her life, earn some money; fulfil her potential - the
pain of separation is part of the game of life…

Sin of Ugliness [Rev]

So here I am, the woman with the ugly hair,
& the little alien in her head - who fell down
and died on being told how bad I looked; it
added, the kids said so too - my work to be
done by an idiot; - so everybody, that’s me,
I am the idiot who creates a miserable life -
the spiritually informed claim we create our
own lives - thus I’m the dunce

Surrounding myself with wonderful people
who can see my many shortcomings and
do not hesitate to convey their intelligent
opinions to me, the only plan I can see is
to shave my head, find a temple in Tibet
or Bangladesh and start making amends
for offending all with my terrible hairstyle,
clearly it is a rebellion against

All principles of beauty, requiring many
lifetimes of abject service that can’t pay
for the sin of ugliness, my slow fingers
never fixing my hair correctly….

Donkey-Skin [Rev]

Everything’s going great, but where’s my feeling 
of well-being; why am I so sleepy, uncomfortable 
in my skin, what’s this sense of malaise; so how 
to be peaceful & content again and how to be at 
ease after these upheavals - to fall asleep while 
dreaming of wonderful things; now my mind just
goes blank when I try to focus on an ideal, does 
it mean I can no more create an inspired virtual 
reality? Well, it shouldn’t be surprising given the 
 
Snowball-effect of eating granola and chocolate  
in a mad dash to fill the holes gnawed by worry;
today is a new beginning, a new work adventure 
waiting: an agreement, a minefield of subtleties
and previous texts with deceptive similarities yet
unexpected difficulties which highlight my lack of 
respect for textbook rules and the administrative 
acumen of the true government official - so, little 
wonder no lodestar is calling; can inspiration be 
 
Based on positivist rules which deny an original 
thought or gesture: let me play an assembly-line
translator – let the show begin since I’m ready
to creep into my donkey-skin…

Righteous

A while ago – can’t remember when – the Duchess
stomped out of our house, angry with Nici because
my darling daughter took MY side in an argument –
I know Nici’s on my side just as I’m on hers – never
repeat the history of family members taking the side
of who is right – the mistake I made long ago – BUT

Today I know to take the side of family, irrespective
of their degree of rightness - only thing that counts
is blood calling to blood – my darling daughter stood
up for me and today I stand up for the Duchess – my
darling twin sis; whoever points out that she’s wrong
will find me irrevocably backing my sis because this

Is what family does – this is the rhythm of life which
is contrary to the righteousness of the Jewish faith
thus explaining the suffering they endured – they
did not attain the specific righteousness which is
required by their faith – at least the fallen nature
of Christians allow them to be saved by another

Who is perfectly righteous in their stead…

G’bye Suicide

Nici flew away into the wide world, to Mexico –
so far-off, I felt so sad on feeling the sparkles
of her dynamic presence fading from the house,
but as she started enjoying the training course,
safely installed in the ship’s crew quarters and
her lost suitcase with her money returned to her,
life looked better – even under the dark clouds of

Granola-induced chemical depression which had
me planning homicide on her dad to be followed
by suicide – so I decided to embrace life, Nici’s
trainer is an Afrikaans female from South Africa
and her roommate is from the Ukraine - Nici is
safe in the trainer’s understanding her approach
to life AND she gets to know the exciting Eastern

European countries – now her dad says we might
accept an invitation to stay on the ship one day so
g‘bye suicide, farewell homicide; life looks good...

Hooray!

Joy to the world, my heart is glad, it’s joy and
joy and JOY! Nici’s suitcase went astray and it
seemed an awful day as I watched, emailed &
prayed, we asked what could be done, also she
was not picked up at the airport due to luggage
problems so she felt really bad and heavy was
my heart, and then she did not eat all that well –

All alone in a totally different time zone, and I
held a vigil just for her, a vigil - stoppering the
hole in my heart with food I should not have –
yet adrenaline prevailed and nothing made me
sleep, alert I waited for Nici to be safe and yea!
the email finally came – her suitcase’s on its way,
hooray, hooray, hooray!