In Memory Of Margaret Alice Van Wyk, née Puth

17 April 1911 – 25 December 1996

Last week we lost our Grandmother and we shall miss
her very much. We shall always cherish a memory of
her as our second mother.

Since we can remember Grandma has been living with
us and one of our earliest childhood memories is the
savoury taste of grandma’s specially prepared tomato
and onion preserve on toast when we were living in
Mondeor, a suburb of Johannesburg, in 1963.

Grandma was in charge of the household as both our
parents worked and she did the housekeeping chores
with the energy of a hyperactive child. Grandma raised
us, the five boisterous Botha children, on homebaked
bread, homemade jam, preserved fruit, homemade
rusks and other typical South African dishes.

Grandma was an excellent pastry chef and cook and
none of us shall ever be able to enjoy traditional fruit-
cake without longing for the excellent fruitcake our
Grandma used to bake.

Grandma was synonymous with sewing and almost
everybody who met Grandma made use of her expertise
as a seamstress to make them some article of clothing
or help with altering their clothes.

Grandma’s amazing work ethic shone brightest at the
time we were living in Randburg. She earned an extra
income by driving the Kombi for the local crèche
morning and afternoon, and made school wear on
contract for a clothes shop. She added these
activities to her already full daily schedule as
housekeeper and cook.

Grandma had a passion for gardening and plants
and was always collecting seeds and exquisite
plants to add to her beloved garden. Yesterday
we admired the 1.5 metre high date tree which
grandma had grown from the pit of a date which
mother had brought back from Israel.

Grandma is one of the toughest women we have
ever known and the more chaotic life was, the
more she enjoyed it – possibly because she was
the only girl among seven brothers and must
have had a challenging childhood.

Grandma told us that she was a teenager when
they travelled by ox-wagon from Laersdrif to
Middelburg.

At one stage or another Grandma stayed with four
of her five grandchildren in order to lend a hand
with their housekeeping. One lived somewhere
in the Free State in a caravan far from the nearest
town. When grandma returned home she told us
how much she had enjoyed it.

Grandma initiated the use of technology at the AA
where she worked by buying and using her own
calculator after the management refused to purchase
a calculator for the office.

Once she had demonstrated the usefulness of the
machine, they bought it from her and purchased
many more for office use.

Five years ago (1991) when Grandma was eighty
years old we went camping in a wild reserve and
Grandma joined us on an early morning ride in an
open Landrover and enjoyed herself thoroughly.

Grandma’s health was failing at the end of her life
and she looked forward to finding peace in heaven.

We shall miss her as unique and irreplaceable, but
we shall joyously meet again in the Hereinafter.

[Written by her grandson Ian Albertus Botha, 1996]

Bluebeard In Disguise

I read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
a million years ago, Peter Pan declared with self-
satisfied delight, boasting he was the only normal
member in a dysfunctional Conan family: From it I
gathered that to tell my idiot sis – - oh yes, it is an
emotional treat to look down on her, you see - she
was evil and I refuse to meet with her again -

Would be the perfect way to start a conversation
convincing her to take my side in a fight against
Snow-White who dared to call me Evil-Peter after
I punched her repeatedly when she behaved like
a moody child on a visit to Neverland; my idiot sis
took my side since I was right about Snow-White,
but I was not content to let is rest and continued

To point out Alice’s failings also, given that I had
read Codes Of Love by Mark Bryan & so I came
to the conclusion that to love me means putting
up with the meanest character in Neverland, I’m
Bluebeard in disguise and slay all I see; & since
my sis claimed she also knew these theories, it
would be a test to see how she applied these

Whether she intended revenge on Snow-White
like me or wanted to forgive as Snow-White’s
emotional scars led to her unique code of love
based on contempt for all Snow-White sees- –

NOW Alice is confused, how could Peter Pan
read about emotional intelligence - yet be full
of hate for family - and his Code of Love is
insistence on insulting all and being mean?

Kind words only make him worse…

Ice-Cold Neverland [Rev]

Alice tried conversing with Peter Pan in Neverland,
but her attempt was doomed & rejected out of hand;
all Alice said is tainted by the contempt with which
a peppery-tongued Duchess denigrated everything
in Wonderland: You’re just as stupid and worthless
as Tom Thumb, the youngest brother fighting wind-
mills, Peter Pan accused a hapless Alice, whereas
he indicted Tom Thumb of stupidity on the Internet;

Alice had praised a book Tom had published, and
when she admired Peter’s writing, he scorned her
words as worthless because she’d dallied with the
enemy Tom Thumb; Alice told Peter - I don’t read
night & day any more - I was seeking meaning &
now I’ve found that, so I read for pleasure: to find
encouragement - and refine views about infinity -
Peter said Alice is insipid and he doesn’t believe

A word she says - so I cannot be friends with him,
Alice confessed, he just treats me like a forlorn 5
year old without the right to usurp the love with its
nourishment that should have all been his - & my
attempt to support Tom Thumb’s windmill flights
makes me seem stupid in his contemptuous eyes;
but his cynical universe within ice-cold Neverland
is no longer mine - I now live in Wonderland with

The Lord & Master of the Crocodile Castle - and I
need no longer fight for survival against a cynical
Peter Pan whose disdain for Cinderella-Grandma-
Alice & Queen-of-Hearts & Conan the Barbarian,
enabled him to call himself a Mighty Lord so very
elevated far beyond his beginning - amongst the
most plebeian, ignoble creatures imaginable…

[Friday 19 October 2018]

Love Destructive [Revised]

There is no peace, no ‘friendship’ possible; the
opening salvo - “You are disrespectful of other
people’s feelings” showed its author’s abetted
superiority, actually describing his own attitude

Should’ve read “I’m disrespectful” - a brother’s
cold, scornful sarcasm takes me right back to a
home without respect - where I shrivel under its
destructive effect, shrinking into insignificance

To escape being an object of scorn in a house
of shame where daggers were out robbing me
of self-confidence and self-esteem long before
I knew what those concepts meant; the buried

Feeling of burning shame for being whom I am
can still be ignited by scornful rejection of every
word I say, every claim I make - robbing me of
the ability to accept the right to feel and speak

Thank God there is an ocean between me and
the speaker, thank God for my Beloved and the
Crocodile Kids following the lodestar of respect
to guide their steps; without it life is unbearable

For me love, without wisdom - without respect -
is the most destructive experience there is…

[Friday 19 October 2018]

Alice And Peter Pan

The peppery-tongued Duchess lives within an inner
consciousness of vitriolic excess clouding her view
of reality making it impossible to recognise positive
events; the Duchess’ cold contempt for Wonderland

As a bad place of iniquity wherein dwells the Lord &
Master of the Crocodile Castle as a depraved knave
presiding over bad-behaved reptilians, shows within
terrible chronicles where she calls herself the good

Snow-White Self-righteous among the Peter Pans of
the Neverlands; Alice lost her temper confronting the
Duchess, knowing she could not shame that haughty
dame into acknowledging she delighted in character-

Assassination of the Wonderland creatures: Alice
foolishly requested respect whereupon the Duchess
declared Alice an illegal alien never to be welcomed
at the Duchess’ worthy residence again: Anyone

Intent on offering a lament for the false allegations
made by the Duchess who is furious since no-one
ever treats her with the respect and deference she
feels her rightful due as benefactress of all those

Who suffer in distress; will summarily be subject to
court-martial such as that practiced by the Queen
of Hearts – off with her head, off with his head! –
to me Alice and Peter Pan are both deceased…

[Wednesday 21 October 2018]

Cursed With Such Relations [Revised]

I accept responsibility for everything my brother “Peter Pan of
Neverland” accused me of: I’m accountable for it & will plead
guilty. After that revelation, “Peter Pan” insisted I evaluate his
criticism list applicable to all our family, & that, too, was easy.

He’d especially got short-comings applying to himself right, as
well as the rest of us of course. Then I suggested that our dad,
“Conan the Barbarian” was victim of child abuse & our mother
“Queen of Hearts” suffered emotional bullying; as such we all

Inherited questionable genes. So “Peter Pan” - I say - we can’t
discriminate, blind people can’t properly lead. “The peppery-
tongued Duchess” has my love and acceptance unconditionally
as my agreement. “Attila the Hun” - our eldest brother, lives life

A sleepwalker, my sister, the “Duchess” is safe with Pete - I am
privileged with Martin, but our youngest brother -“ Tom Thumb”
suffered most & ended up with no principles or a value system
but his bitter need for revenge. Thus agreeing with “Peter Pan”,

Choosing happiness rather than right - allowed him to focus on
his problem - making peace with being a broken human being
who could never realise full potential because of genes and a
dysfunctional home. Shocked at discovering how distant he is

From reality, blaming parents & siblings for our shortcomings
and failings since they contributed to his and probably made it
worse, “Peter Pan” is working through the same process I did,
& reorganised when starting to write poetry. If Peter Pan can

See past his bitterness I might later reveal aliases I coined for
all of us: grandma Alice “Cinderella”, mom “Queen of Hearts”,
Dad “Conan the Barbarian”, eldest bro “Attila the Hun”, & 2nd
“Peter Pan from Neverland”, twin sis the “Duchess”, I’m “Alice

in Wonderland”, youngest bro “Tom Thumb” fights windmills.
Today “Peter Pan” suffers alien emotional distress weirdness
of our being, accepting his criticism helps him understand why
we are as we are, I hope he will be able to come to terms with

it and accept himself - cursed with such relations…

[Wednesday 12 September 2018]

Intolerance And Hypocricy

Just like everyone else - I’m an idiot and a bigot myself;
while hoping to escape prejudicial pettiness I’ve tried to
accept liberalism & being leftist - yet a complete lack of
respect from the sophisticated, super-rich Liberals of a
Washington-world of scintillating politics under Obama
& Hollywood’s self-righteous artists have revealed how

Absolutely intolerant and arrogant we liberals are; I was
disappointed & shocked, we’re not liberal at all - we’re
authoritarians - bent on destroying our opponents with
contempt; and, this is our ugliest trait - it’s without any
kindness or attempt to understand and commiserate
with those who suffer in poverty under our gross and

Ungracious superiority: we lack both wisdom & insight -
we’re therefore worse than our conservative colleagues,
honest people mauled by open borders & growing anti-
Semitism - the not-so-privileged have a right to being
straightforward and tactless, but when those privileged
belittle others in sophisticated ways, we are far worse -

My eyes have been opened: intolerance & hypocrisy of
Hillary and Obama & the Hollywood clique is so much
more dangerous than th' unrefined naive, open ways o’
Donald Trump; their lack of patriotism & HATRED for th’
man lets them undermine everything he gains for USA
while they destroy their own country, and credibility,

Rejecting their heritage in a single-minded focus on
destroying themselves rather than relent and be liberal
towards their fellow-Americans - therefore there is no
such thing as liberalism left…

[Marilese Koch 16 August 2018]