Nineteen Years Old

 

She is nineteen years old - is my daughter - and so superior
helping me to sort out this Blogspot, saying haughtily: Click
on HTML and you can upload pictures, mom, and in a jiffy
the problems that have beset me since last year are solved -
with just one click, she took my heartache away, my being
unable to type in this space and upload the pictures I like
- then, of of course, she stomped away looking smug and
bored in one

She makes it clear that nothing on earth can be more boring
than her doting and dithering old mum - while I see myself
quite differently - thank heaven for superior kids who help
the older generation - me - to conquer technology, I am still
flabbergasted by my new cell phone and there my son is trying
to help his old mum - while darting oiff to school wearing the
signature braces that indicates he is in the most senior year

Voyages To Undertake (Revised)

Reading Seth, looking at my work station to
determine the truth - and yes, Seth is right to
some extent - Seth says: ‘Your environment
expresses your personality'

OK, my new blue dolphin poster, a white
decorative container and the seascape next to
my computer screen express a love for the sea
and clean surfaces, I guess

Seth says: ‘Your reality is a perfect replica of
your inner wishes and expectations' - Well,
ok, my gaudy artificial flowers require no
attention in the office space and express a
childish need for an active, colourful life

Seth says: ‘This moment is a creative framework
through which you - as nonphysical entity - form
reality; through the window of this moment you
form both the future and past of your earthly
existence' - Oh dear

I'm using it to form a mausoleum-like office in
which my soul can slowly languish and die -
unless I can reach a higher level of reality
through reading and research -

Seth says: ‘True power is in the imagination which
speculates upon that which is not yet' - Well then,
let me dream some more about voyages I want to
undertake to meet my fellow dreamers, my
poet friends…

 

Rambling Monologues (Revised)

Everything I do feels off-beam, unnecessary activity,
as if the prerequisites essential for doing things right
have yet to be determined; I cannot calm down and
concentrate for work - nor explain the feeling of total
confusion

I leap from book to book, cannot find a true origin of
anything, feel as if I have got hold of the wrong end
of the universe where all really important issues have
yet to be addressed; without real beginnings formally
expressed all is lopsided and askew

My mind in a chaotic whirl with the spin increasing
still, I am restless, flustered and overcome, cannot
begin a meaningful conversation or find the right way
to end rambling monologues echoing in my head…

An Odyssey (Revision of 'Sailor On a Lonely Island')

Mind-therapy wandering, browsing in little
shops, seeing delightfully coloured roses,
delicate in pink enlivened by golden flecks;
overboard went my thrift, had to have it,
willing to give up all imitation flowers for
these - like a man upon finding a pearl
of great value sells all his other jewels to
acquire just this wonderful one

First day back at work, chafing at the bit,
sitting behind blinkers shuttering my eyes
against challenge and outside adventure,
feelings evoked by admirable deeds and
dreams, tiptoeing through a list of things
to be done, lightly scratching the surface
of messages about criminals, surfing
through music on my iPod, jumping from
song to song

Nose enchanted by the delicate new rose,
looking at emails while searching for music
to fit my mood - all becalmed, an impatient
sailor marooned on a lonely island, hoping
for a siren song to lure me on to exciting
times packed with more action and drama
than this peaceful time without meaning:
an Odyssey is what I need…

An Alien Concept

Mother impressed with physiotherapy, I recommended she
stay in Kosmos Old Age Home to complete the course, NO
mom said, I have appointments with pupils at home – I
called twin sis to organise mother’s stay

Airily sis said she was going to inform mom without pre-
amble she would stay in Kosmos longer than planned-
I sighed, sis pays and does everything for mom except 
treating her with consideration and respect - oh well

According to New Age Gurus this could only happen to
mom - having a dutiful but inconsiderate daughter - if
mom had done something to attract it, so I arranged
that mom cancel her appointments - promising

If mom stayed, my son would get acquainted with his
grandma - but for my meddling, mother and sis would
have been at loggerheads again - for them, clear
communication is an alien concept…

All You Do

I needed a miracle to make me feel better about life
then remembered that you are in my life as a writer,
asking for miracles in terms of medicine and payment
I received both, asking that everything would be all-
right at home the request was granted –

As soon as everything seemed boring again, I thought
of you, a teacher showing me how to express myself
and the feeling of joy grew stronger – therefore, I just
want to say thank you for being an excellent teacher
and wonderful human being

Being accessible as my older brother who understand
what I mean, you opened communication for me and
gave me proof that it is right to dream – thank you so
very much – I love you for all you do and mean to me!

Much More Interesting (Revised)

Wednesday 2 January 2013, the kids have a party,
my son’s room has been fixed and he has not had
time to mess it up yet, my own messy cupboard is
looming, magazines hidden in a big suitcase, you
said they had to go but I keep them until the kids
have all the pictures they need

Dirty dishes stacked, firmly fixed in the present, no
vision or hope for a new tomorrow - accepting these
moments enclosed in this space and time are to be
fully experienced – small it all is, without jumping
from reality into a dream I am aware that physical
life is very cramped

Home from a holiday means nothing has changed in
my mind, if I cannot escape there’s nothing to be
said until new term at work and documents to be
relayed from French; an only change is our aging,
finding I share aches and medications with all the
people I meet, growing old without much grace

Such is life – an experiment to stay anchored in my
own being is bearing fruit: I rediscover the need to
recreate everything in a dream where all is much
more interesting