Feeling, Colour And Meaning

Cannot see myself doing routine work today

cannot understand why this life on this planet

in this universe, feeling spiritually blind means

I cannot find a reason to do boring things – yet

my body breathes mindlessly, I am the ghost in

the machine seeking wisdom and insight as I can-

not feel anything and nothing has inherent priority

I simply follow the dictates of time to move through

this day to get to the end in order to be at leisure to

wonder some more, the day becomes one long maths

sum and I cannot do it, religion and spiritualists teach

we know the answers in advance and work backwards

from the end back to the beginning where I am sitting

now, but this knowledge does not help, I am still stuck

With a brain that cannot fulfil its function of relating to

the reality outside its own enclosure, my mind only exits  

in short explosive flames of understanding which imme-

diately disappears leaving the inner me in darkness, I

love the ability to enact stories and plays yet cannot

create a script for today, left with shadows only  I

long for feeling, colour and meaning