Let me bewail my fate, thought processes
meandering at snail’s pace – meaning has
escaped my head. Since last night I did
myself the favour of reading Acts in New
Testament, seeing a similarity with Suma
Ching Hai who claims to carry disciples
to Paradise; all Paul does is call people
sinful and lost, no effort, sincerity or
integrity can change our fate – only faith
in payment of our accumulated debt by
having the temerity to be born – the utmost
mistake – from which we can only be
delivered by someone hanging in our place
and thereafter the meritless servants of an
ubiquitous master – though I sigh in
gratitude knowing the Bible was written
by caring people, edited afterwards to be
mutilated by others with a personal agenda;
still, harsh conviction of humanity makes me
shudder and wish, like poor Job, suffering
and scorned I was never born – Job was
exalted in the end but I can’t visualise this
interminable life ceasing at this moment in
time researching financial terms knowing
I am mentally bankrupt
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