Writhing In Pain & KGB-technique

There is a throbbing in my left jaw, I wanted to write

a report on how I acquired the throbbing: sitting in a

dentist’s chair, watching films about lions and fishes

with bioluminescence while the dentist deftly injected

my mouth, then fought for his life opening my mouth

so wide I could compete with the hippos on screen -

 

As I was freezing and writhing in pain, his Igorina-

assistant, beautifully coiffed and perfectly groomed,

saw my hands turning blue and brought a blanket

to keep me from dying of cold during the procedure -

this might have deflected payment from them - and

then he used various drills, starting with a folk-music

 

Nasal high-whining type, moving on to the deep-throat

serious one that intensified the smell of destruction, I

refrained from passing out by watching the screen in

the ceiling when the dentist’s hand stopped obscuring

my line of sight, then the manic madman in him took

over - he attacked my gums with a sharp instrument

 

And complained there was too much blood & then he

forced a big ball into the right side of my mouth to keep

it wide and forced a big structure over the upper gum

& held it in place with both hands in my mouth without

making a sound, but in my mind I heard him laughing

like all mad doctors do while slowly killing their patients

 

How I rued my remark that I would rather die than lose

all my teeth - he took it literally and decided to see how

much pain I would endure to win the privilege of a crown,

by now he knows I really went through the valley of death

for the crown cheerfully promised by my medical fund…

[Igorina: Female Igor according to Terry Pratchett]

..................................................................................

In retrospect I realise I’ve finally found a dentist

that will save my teeth, the pain he caused by his

procedures was so intense, I’ll do anything never

having to return again, the previous dentists never

hurt me at all which made me debonair, I didn’t take

care of the fillings & chewed with gusto, now I’m like

a disciple walking on hot coals when it comes to my

teeth, will not eat hard biscuits or nuts or biltong as I

still suffer painful sensation in my left jaw; the dentist

must have been trained in Russia under the KGB to

inflict pain to make people confess things - attacking

gums with a super-sharp scalpel & I wish this dentist

had entered my life a long time ago because I would

have taken such good care of my teeth upon suffering

his unusual procedures: the man is a miracle-worker

with his fine-honed KGB-technique...