Just Want It Duly Noted

For me there is only one way to begin a book

with a type of “Wek-en-Rig” which catches the

reader’s attention immediately “Mrs B was lying

under the sink listening to the pipes & wondering

whether the cistern was going to explode" -

 

When asked “Are you dead?” she replied “No,

buzz off, I am waiting for the house to blow up”

the perfect beginning for a book about a ghost

who wears a dusty hat to the shops & who feels

aggrieved and put upon when people sit on him -

 

When boarding the bus with a small human friend,

this is the stuff my dreams are made of, though it's 

difficult to remain calm in the kitchen as my beloved 

is surveying the place with a jaundiced eye while

walking up and down like a Daddy Long Legs

 

Complaining as far as he goes: he is unhappy that

our son moved back, he is unhappy that the tanks

ran dry before the rain, he is angry that the guest

room disintegrates under our son’s care; the litany

of endless woes goes on and on and on -

 

As my laptop is terribly unstable on the laptop stand,

I can’t carry it around any more and have to listen to 

this endless lament - and so I just want it duly noted

that should I clobber my beloved over the head and

he should end up dead, I was provoked beyond all

 

Human endurance, only my book about the inventive

ghost enables me to remain quietly standing in front

of my laptop instead of helping him out of his misery!

[p.9 "The Ghost and Bertie Boggin" - Catherine Sefton]