Lose Ability to Focus

Thought keeping the dictionary list open on my desk
would be red-hot motivation to tackle a job that makes
my hair stand on end; not so, I feel more depressed
while it accuses me of lack of interest

I detest looking up interminable lists, ISBN numbers,
prices and dates, cannot think of a way to deaden my
brain to force it into obeisance, when trying to do this
work, I lose ability to focus my eyes

My IQ, low to start with, falls to below zero, I do not
understand what I see, yet cannot bail out on grounds
of incompetence because I am paid to do the job of a
brain-dead zombie, somehow

I must reach that emotionless state where work is
possible simply because all my feelings are dead
I am aiming for mental death, what is the shortest
route, how can I bring this about?

Though I must confess that eating pizza last night
given my allergy, is one of the contributing factors
to my mental sluggishness, but still, if the future of
making up lists were not so dark and menacing

I would not have eaten pizza, trying to die through
the allergy, I would have tried to feel well to enjoy
my life, instead of trying to commit legal suicide…