Freeze My Heart

Hayfever kept at bay by reading beautiful poetry
concentrating on doing translation, driving safely
but the headache took over in class, once again I
turned without looking, promising myself reform
on the roads; got home, said hello, got back in
the car to collect Tiaan playing cricket

No matter how hard I tried, laughing and talking
listening to Tiaan’s wild music; headache pulled
my skin tight, I cannot escape, wanted to retain
the sorcery I found in classical poetry; but the en-
chantment is gone, André Rieu stepped in, I feel
safe while listening to him - as if the fear

Cannot touch me while his orchestra is playing
safely ensconced in a make-believe world that
lasts until the very last note; afterwards, alone
in my head, curled up in bed, I have to fight the
discomfort alone; tomorrow I must be cold and
hard, freeze my heart in an attitude of -

Determined motivation to combat pain by working
with dedication - though I know I will be facing
temptation to look for dreams in beauty and
song, I know that the price afterwards will
cause such hurt; my fragile crystal self-image
might fall and break - I still have to work on

Finding all the shards of my splintered self-
concept after it scattered all over on my being
unable to exist with self-confidence, felt so bad
wearing green - ran off and bought a T-shirt and
jeans in blue to bury my feelings in a colour
I love and trust