Heartbreak And Pain

A teenager is a being that lurks in its room, it does not
appear except to inhume its meals or carry out a certain
job imposed upon them by an irate parent who cannot
understand why parental presence is become anathema
to them

Tonight my heart is heavy when I realize it is exactly what
I did when I was that age – but I had an excuse, we lived on
a large plot of land and we had a room outside, next to the one
occupied by my brothers, yet Nici lives in the old master bedroom
of the house

Now she refuses to come out, she lurks in her room after moping
about the house complaining of being overweight when she is as
thin as a rake, Tiaan spends his time in the gym, both have to stay
at school until we pick them up at four in the afternoon, when I was
small I used to lament never seeing loved ones

Now that I am grown-up the same thing happened again, I could not
be a homemaker given my background and temperament, today they
are almost grown-up and I realize that I had spent too little time with
them – yet when we were in the situation with them being small with
voices as thin as reeds cutting through my nervous system

I did not enjoy their lovely young beings as much as I might, I only trust
that one day in the life hereinafter I shall get better acquainted with my
own kids, this earth life is not suited for that purpose at all - after school
I wanted to get life over without heartbreak and pain, never wanted
a family or entanglements

It did not work that way for me, trying to flee from all forms of life I fell
ill - today I am involved and the pain of kids growing up and dream of
leaving is breaking my heart – I could not stay on the outside; lone-
liness was killing me, better to jump in and drown in the pain than
trying to stay safe on the side

Still, I wish for the different world described by Neale Donald Walsh -
or the kind of differentiated reality so beloved by the Seth, the non-
physical personality channelled by Jane and Rob…