The Christian Science Idea

I love the Christian Science idea that our
thoughts and attitudes determine the state
of our mind and our health – pity it is such
an indictment against me; all forms of allergy
is supposedly psychosomatic; when I eat
bread and cake the symptoms are awfully
real and chemical depression makes it
impossible to judge any criminal or wrong-
doer since I feel so evil myself

Maybe my soul chose this aberration before
I was born to make sure I’ll always stay humble
and have pity on suffering people, unfortunately,
it also makes me intolerant of all self-righteous
Pharisees , I can’t stand anybody judging others
as inferior, since I can’t feel superior at all, built
like a dwarf with a face like Mr Bean’s that changes
with the weather and inner health; a brain that
moves in and out of existence

And sometimes completely disappears, harbouring
a big black hole of impenetrable gloom in my own
head; I move between happy daydreams built on
fantasies and the reality of my Little Lotta self;
stuffing her mouth then suffering all kinds of
mental symptoms – at least I’m always sure of
steering clear of the arrogance that used to colour
my vision until I learnt that the biggest problem I
have in life – is me myself…