I Cannot Be Holy

*
Every time I explain why Margaret Evening makes me sad
you give me a speech about reserving permission who is
allowed to upset us - I sigh, I know you are right – though
if I did not give authors the right to make me unhappy, they
might also lose the ability to make me happy

I must take the bad with the good, if I closed off my heart
nipped sad feeling in the bud, happiness will be lost later
on, Khalil Gibran said wounds made by pain open more
space to be glad, so please, easy with the speech, do
not recommend I stop reading Margaret Evening

I have to know how missionaries manage to keep their faith
when life goes awry, allow me freedom to commiserate with
their pain and sacrifice, then I will be able to rejoice in their
triumphs also, I trust every outcome is to our advantage, the
tears that I cry about their lives take my own pain away

In comparison my cross is light, my goal is small, it is but the
ideal to love inclusively, learning to escape the tyranny of
exclusivity, accepting every individual unconditionally, it is
a strange concept in a world of possessive jealousy, yet it
is important to understand the sublime principle

Illustrated in the life of Jesus Christ – I do not aspire to an
ideal so high - merely want to combine wisdom with affection
see where that brings me, we need discipline as Margaret
explains -we want to be free, it is our dream- strangely
enough freedom lies in restraint and control, though

I cannot ever be holy nor would want to be, yet love the
mental freedom attained by the spiritually advanced
looking into their lives I learn more about the way
in which bondage is released…
*