Fear Touching My Soul

Benedict of near-death-experience fame says
all human souls together form a mandala most
beautiful, I look in the mirror and sigh, obviously
it is meant symbolically because physically I do
not look good

Two black jerseys to keep out the cold, face round
eating too much, eyes shocked and swollen after
the allergy reaction today when my heart raced,
I nearly passed out, a cold Friday afternoon pre-
paring a meal

Fear touching my soul with cold fingers, on Monday
we have to compile production sheets, the source of
my biggest humiliation, the cause of fatigue and tears,
at least every occurrence shortens my earthly life
by ten years

The harder I try, the worse the pathetic result, the
bigger the pain of humiliation and shame, mentally
preparing accepting defeat, my spirit refuses to allow
victory; look, says my spirit, at school you mastered
accounting - it did NOTHING for me

In standard eight you did fine in mathematics and I still
could not play the piano in a competent way, you tried
to sing and made a mess of it – why should I support
you in anything? - I agree, I have messed up my
dreams, even my storybook hero is fading

I hope that Riddick or Brad Pitt will revive my imagination
and help me to construct my Doctor Serfontein again,
right now loneliness is too much to bear...