And I Cry…

Depression, quarterly reviews,
depression, I am obtuse,
depression, the only news I have
is I’m crying all the time,
my credit card is out of use,
account overdrawn

I have done so wrong,
Mapula believes I did the right thing,
putting esoteric concerns ahead of physical survival,
mothers are important,
she will vouch for me

Discovering mother’s face crushed in a fall,
fearing she would not play piano again – her lifeline
I spent life-sustaining money on aesthetic frivolity

I am wrong trying to live in a materialistic way
while I believe the opposite,
that spirit is more important,
I live inside the theories I love,
the poetry, pushed underground

While I exist in materialism,
I love the people but can't fit in,
I’m alone and wrong all the time,
and I cry