Pain And Elation

Gave up my happy, dreamy heroine
created storms and problems for her
as the contrast between her lovely life
and my own turbulent existence was
creating acute awareness of growing
dissatisfaction in my heart, better to
work through these inner storms by
making my characters fight than pro-
jecting into reality where I have no
control over other people’s thoughts

I was criticized, required to accept strict
discipline for my daring to be friendly in
the wrong way to the wrong people so
that I must find a way to create distance
from all, I realized it was all the result of
my own choices in life, in life’s trenches
where the arrows of attack and rejection,
requirement for work perfection, force
me to repeat the lesson that I cannot
live the life I have chosen without

Sacrifice and pain, attempting to overcome
my temperament and innate talent, though
I know that my latest attempt to meet requi-
rements at home and work will be a big farce
in the end, I accept the challenge of trying
again – one day I shall die and escape this
life I never learnt to live, but which I loved
with a passionate abandon that brought
me both pain and elation…