Encompassing Emptiness

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I have never been able to come to terms
with unhappiness, I can’t exist, can’t live
when I’m depressed, when the here and
now makes me unhappy, I lose interest
in everyone and everything

Torpor and lassitude describe my mood, I
give up, surrender to a joyless existence
can’t do a stitch of work, will have to take
my text home to do during the weekend -
to keep up a pretence -

trying to force myself to carry on - simply
worsens the situation, I accept this day
is a total failure, I can’t master any task
it takes away the existential angst, a
relief to honestly acknowledge

Life is awful without friends, without someone
who shares my experience, who understands
intuitively, sees things the same way, offering
solutions - creating beauty is useless, no-one
to share my weird ideas

Must learn new things to show willingness to
make progress – but not right now, not in
this all-encompassing
emptiness …
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